Friday, June 17, 2011

The most vividly clear memory in my head of the day Colin died was my first real, formed thought after getting off of the bed and walking out of our bedroom for the very last time with him...was this..."How on earth am i going to survive Father's Day"...I don't know why out of all of the 'firsts' and dreaded lonely holidays and special occasions we would have to face, this one stood out...but i guess Mother's Day and Father's day was our special day to show one another how special and very amazing we thought one another was at being a parent...since our boys are still kinda young to understand the importance of the day, we would do our very best in our own individual ways of making each other feel so loved and special. A day to celebrate the precious gift of being entrusted with these sweet perfect little one's. It also just so happens to be Corban's last day of Kindergarten which is the first real thing that from beginning to end, Colin was not apart of. I'm so very proud of my little man, but so very sad because i knew just how badly Colin wanted to hang on, to be able to take Corban to his first day of's these occasions and day's like today when all the dad's were to go to the school for "Donuts for Dad's", which Papa and Uncle Andrew so perfectly filled in for...and then tonite for my little boy's kindergarten graduation that i think shock is still lifting that we don't have Colin with just shouldn't have to be like this for my's not fair that they don't have their loving, patient Daddy to be their #1 fan, cheering them on...and spending their summer holidays training for the adventures that only Daddy's and son's get to do together.
I do also need to say Thank you to the males in our life that do give so generously of their time to fill that void with my boys...we are blessed beyond measure, but it does sting so badly to see them have to go through these holidays different from everyone else.
To my big brother have risen to the task of not only being an amazing support as my brother but an amazing role for my boys to love and look up too, making sure to not only make time for your own kids, but also make my boys feel loved and cared for from a Dad's perspective! You are incredible and I love you beyond words! I could never say thank you enough for how you and Nat have supported me and the boys! I know Colin had to have chatted with God about your getting the job and moving here, but i bet you that he is missing the fact that he's not here to enjoy you...please keep him in mind on the golf course and in the dressingroom, k?!

Finally to my Dad, who without any word or second thought has helped us in every way imaginable...from making sure you talked with Colin before he passed away and followed through with each one of his last wishes and still to this day you are keeping to your word to watch over me and the boys! From the work you put in to plan the funeral and take care of everything to get me back on my feet through those first few months, to being a phone call away when i had water leaks in my basement to mowing my lawn and taking care of the garage and maintainance around our house. You have been a pillar of strength and faith and I am SO proud of who you are and to be called your daughter! Thank you for ALL you do and for how you love so intensely...thank you for your heart of wanting the best for your kids and the very best for your grandkids....We are blessed...and i pray God's RISHEST blessings over you in the things HE has for you! Thank you for being the Godly example my boys need to see in a man as they grow and thank you for taking over the wrestling role as they get bigger and hurt me:) From the very depths of my being, thank you!!! I love you more than words! Please forgive me for not being in a celebratory mood this Father's Day, but i promise you...we are SO thankful for you everyday of the year! XOXO

Well this emotion that i have been feeling since about Wednesday has finally emerged and the floodgates have opened...i should stop before my eyes get puffy..there are many pictures to be taken at my little man's graduation tonite, i need to look my best for him!!
To all of the Dad's and to those who so generously fill in the gaps for those who need a Father's Love...THANK YOU! You are loved and you are so much appreciated for the tireless work you do day in and day out, to provide for your families in so many ways...THANK YOU!!
Happy Father's Day!
Love, Melissa


  1. I think of you often but, since I've been leading a Bible Study the past few weeks on Philippians, I have been reminded of you so much more. May you continue to be filled with the deep abiding joy that keeps our eyes on eternity and causes us to live each day for Christ.
    Much love, Lisa Furlong

  2. I love you Missy. Thank you for being so thankful. I lost my dad 17 years ago and still find father's day mostly unbearable.

  3. Oh Melissa, you always make me cry. What a difficult journey you are on. I'm so glad that you have your supportive family around to help hold you up. How providential that Andy was able to get a job here and move back, such perfect timing.

  4. Thinking of you Melissa,,,we love you and know that you are in my prayers often!! Give the little graduate a big hug from all of us okay!! Before you know it, you will turn around and it will be a high school graduate you are hugging!! Be strong,,,you are an amazing women!!

    Love Auntie Dawna

  5. Hi Missy:

    Congrats on Corban's grad...he is growing up to be such an amazing little man. Of course chatting with Corban one always forgets he has only just graduated Kindergarden cause he is 5 going on 21 :)

    You know I chatted with your mom one day and told her I had you on my heart because Father's Day was and still continues to be our toughest day too! I remember the first one standing in Hallmark and it hits me....I have not one single person to buy a Father's Day card for. I have said before grieving is hard for the widow but multiplies when we see our children grieve and I think that is maybe why Father's Day is such a tough one.

    You know I have taken to imagining on these special days what the celebrations would be like in Heaven and that brings me some comfort. Can you imagine father's day with our Heavenly Father? Oh what a joyous occasion that must be :)

    Our little Brooklyn is scared of thunder so Steph told her it is just bowling in Heaven. There was a storm the other night and she asked Steph if she thought Grandpa Lorne was at the party cause they are bowling again!!! Sure made me smile through me tears.

    Sometimes there just are no words's just gonna hurt for awhile and then we dry our tears and do our best in this process of learning how to live on without our loved one.

    You are doing an amazing job and yes you are blessed with the most wonderful family... I love them too!

    Love ya bunches, Yvonne