Friday, May 27, 2011

Remebering and Cherishing Precious Moments...

Wow, as i sit here at my computer...a ball of nerves and emotions tumbling all around inside of me. Almost 11 months since Colin was welcomed into his Heavenly home...i'm going through pathways of grief i never expected to come up after this time has passed. Just when i thought i was doing ok, i get knocked back by some wave of intense aching. My poor Corban has been feeling it as well. He had a dream a few nights ago, that Colin hadn't left us at all, everything was perfectly normal. As i heard his cries in the night i went to him and asked what was wrong, he asked me so simply to go get my shock i said "what do you mean?" He was comvinced Colin was asleep in my room, in our bed...and how horrified he looked when i reminded him that Daddy was in Heaven. Needless to say i never really went back to sleep that night...sometimes i just ache for my boys, to have their Daddy here, and other times, i ache for me, for me not have to go into each day waking up alone...Just when i think i'm ok to allow God to let me down to walk holding His hand, i'm begging at His feet for Him to pick me back up where it's safe in His arms. What would i do without that hope, His hope...Where would i be if i didn't have His living breathing word to fill me where that dark black hole tries to comsume...Today is a day for our community to come together to be apart of something so much bigger than ourselves...becoming an extended family of friends and families who have been touched by cancer. Relay 4 Life...this is a day specifically for our family and support system to come together and remember celebrate what love and life was like when we were SO incredibly blessed to have Colin be apart of our have closure of what we went through and walk together for so many still going through their journey's. I just never expected for the level of emotion i would be is sure to be a powerful event, something we all won't soon forget...a way to give back.
As i was searching for something encouraging this morning in my Bible, i came across these verses and i just had to smile, because it was as if God Himself was cuddling me close breathing the words into my weary soul...
Romans 8:12-17
So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!
This resurrection life you recieved from God is not a timid, grave tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us - an unbelievable inheritance!! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we are certainly going to go through the good times with him!!!

So now, i'm gonna pray like crazy that God can use me, in our speaking tonite and with each person i have the honor of meeting as we walk with so many others!
For those local people, festivities are down in Kin Coulee Park, starting with the Opening Ceremonies at 7pm...there will be all sorts of things going on all nite...we would love for you come down and share in this powerful event!

Happy Weekend!
Love, Melissa

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Mother's Day Moment...

Weird...I never thought that this day..out of any would hit me as rough but yup...this mother's day was just plain weird...I tell ya, it was nice to sleep in, my parents had the boys for a sleep over (and they woke up SO early for them, i'm so sorry for that), but as i was getting ready for church, in an all too quiet house, it was both a mixture of relaxing and twinges of sadness...usually Sundays were my days to take my time to get ready and feel pretty, and all while i was getting ready upstairs i would hear Colin and the kids with laughter and playing...then when i was all ready, i would come down the stairs and when Colin would see me, he would tell me how beautiful he thought i looked....I miss that, the "coming down the stairs" moments...
But this day, i celebrate my mom whom I have looked up too and admired since i was old enough to appreciate all she has done in our lives. She truly is the SUPER glue that holds us all up and together. She is my rock, the one i tell my everything too, and share all my highs and lows with. It is ONLY her, who can talk me down from worry and fear or laugh with me when i do those "blonde" moments. She is my best friend, and there is not a day that goes by that i don't count my blessings in knowing i have the most amazingly beautiful crowning jewel who is my mom!
I also can't forget to mention that i have so many women, amazing women in my life who have touched me in so many ways, and loved us just by showing me how they mother and how i can be better. These women are my sister in law's and my girlfriends and my mentor's and my family and i thank God for you all today! I pray God's richest blessings on you for shining so brightly your most beautful qualities in being amazing Mom's!
Happy Mother's day!
Love, Melissa

Sunday, May 1, 2011

We did it! We did it!!!

Well...we made it out to Winnipeg and back home again all in one piece with amazing memories and the feeling of having some really fun adventures under our belt! Honestly, it couldn't have gone more perfectly! We had a great visit in Regina with family and had a minor hiccup of Keegan having some tummy trouble, so with little sleep and having made a pile of laundry for my poor pregnant sister in law, we started to Winnipeg! I think i heard more than a million "are we there yet, Mommy?!" and "How long till we get there mommy?!"...hehe, but the boys did more than amazingly and we made it there to find sunshine and 22 degrees the entire time we spent in Winnipeg! What a beautiful home my bestest friend Sarah has made for her and her husband and her two precious little girls. The kids played fantastically together and we had the best time just talking and catching up and reliving old memories! My friend Sarah is one of my oldest friends, having been close to me since grade nine...she knew me before i met Colin, and she knew and loved Colin as well and we actually introduced her to her now husband, Darren, whom we went to college at Briercrest with.
We had a busy week of Zoo adventures complete with a picnic in the park and a game of soccer to finish it off...we played in the sandbox and went to the park and even played some ball hockey! After the kids were all tucked in bed each night we would laugh and cry and pick up right where we always leave off, I love my sweet Sarah!
We decided to take a chance and head the entire way home on friday and boy oh boy, did my boys do incredibly! we made it in just under 10 hours and we had a nice quiet down day in the van watching movies and just relaxing a bit! We were greeted home to my sweet parents waiting eagerly to have their fill of cuddles that they missed from a week of not seeing the boys and thankfully they helped carry our load of stuff in for me!
so, we r home, safe and sound and I have to say i'm more confident than i left a week ago, i did it, i took my little family on an adventure we will not soon forget and with God protecting us the whole way, we did it! YEAY!
It's good to be home, but i'm so glad we did it!
Happy Sunday!
Love, Melissa