Desperation Brings Me to Praise!

Yesturday, i was reminded yet again of that "Dangerous Prayer" i was praying back in March before Colin's relapse. It is a song by Kathleen Carnali, which i prayed a lot over the course of a few weeks, "Jesus, reign on my parade, strip me down again so i'm desperate for you, Jesus, whatever it takes bring me to my end, so i'm desperate for you again". Whoa, if i could go back i would shake my self and say "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!" But i know that God's will is powerful and His plans for Colin were already in motion, BUT my prayer, along with many others, was answered. I have been completely changed in how i view my need for a Savior. I am desperate for Him...desperate for Him to protect me through this crator of life that i'm travelling through, i'm desperate for Him to show me how to be a parent who loves unconditionally and shows Grace and patience and i'm incredibly desperate for God to fill in the Daddy role to my boys...i could go on and on, but i'm finding that living in this dangerous desperation is actually the most safe i've ever felt in my whole life. Looking back, i had no way of knowing what my prayers were going to do and how that would fit with God's plan in my life, and it has been completely terrifying, but also a place filled with much peace. It feels so good to throw up my hands and just let God lead..this crator of grief and loss isn't so bad to travel through when i have a God who comforts me minute by minute and provides for my every need even when i am not aware of it! I am so increibly humbled and grateful for Him, to walk alongside little old me. That He would love us so much to shield and protect us from the depths of pain and suffering in this world! Praise is the order of the day! I choose to praise despite whatever comes up today!
Oh ya, i almost forgot! Corban was awarded the "Student of Character" for his school for the month of September. His award said they chose him for his good behavior, his gentle and kind spirit, always working hard and making really great friends! Isn't that SO cute?! We put it into a frame already! I SO wish Colin was here but i know he's looking down...he's got a good seat up there, i'm sure!
Gotta go! Keegie and i have a "toffee" (coffee) date on the couch under a warm blanket!
Love, Melissa