To YOU...I give Thanks...In ALL of Life's Circumstances

Who knew that a fictional medical show i watched last night would strike such a deep cord with our recent events in real life (well, duh, i guess it's not that surprising). I think it's been building for the entire week. My thoughts have naturally been going to all the memories surrounding Colin's last year and before. With cold and flu season upon us, Keegan has been sniffly and Nana came down with a bad 24 hour flu bug that prompted some more healthy talk about what happened to Daddy. Keegan has been thinking that since Nana has a sick tummy and Daddy was sick that Nana has to go to heaven to get better. I didn't realize that lumping "sick" althogether would be so confusing for our little Keegan, so now i have needed to explain the "C" word. Daddy had cancer, his whole body was sick and Jesus wanted to take him home to heaven to really make sure he was ALL better and never again will he get sick. Nana has a germie that is making her feel sick in her tummy and she just needs to rest and Jesus can make her feel all better here with us. Little by little we'll get there, as he gets older, he'll process more and ask us more questions and i'm glad for the steps, i think it's God's way of keeping us going without overwhelming us!
Last night i had such a strong urge to look back, not too far back but just since Colin's relapse...i cried for Colin, for his pain, for how the cancer in his body ravaged his appearance and still how he so graciously took what he had been given and praised God and trusted him to carry him through all the while so aware of what had been taken from him in this life. I cried for our boys; for what they must have felt in those last days, and for how i just couldn't be there the wa i would've wanted looking back. I cried for me...the life i had always dreamed of and the loss of my best friend and my true love. I just can't quite put a finger on what i feel now the past little while, i guess that's why i haven't written an update, nothing really comes to mind; until tonite. i'm not shying away from these points of pain, it's the only way to heal, to hurt enough and be broken so that God can piece me back together. I want to be new, and whole and restored...My fear is the cost this is having on our boys. How this will effect them and shape their future, BUT again, i have to trust that God's got this major detail covered, i keep holding so tight to that promise! Psalm 55:22 "Give your worries and cares to the LORD, and He will take care of you, he will never let His people down".
I feel like right now, i am able to sit back and watch God bless those who have taken care of us...To see God work in HIS most perfect timing, and bring every last detail together is the coolest thing to watch...i just wish Colin were here to see it all unfold...our prayers are being answered, my sweetie, please can you give Jesus a HUGE hug for me, for allowing Andy and Nat to move closer...i know that we prayed so much for God to bless them for taking us in and sharing their home up in Calgary with us...i haven't stopped praying for God to carry them and all our family and friends and bless them. i just wish i could celebrate with you and give you a hug and kiss you and jump up and down and have you tell me how weird and wonderful i am to you! heehee...I don't have enough kleenex left to share their stories entirely from Andy and Nat or Colin's parent's stories of God's provision and timing, but Colin also wanted more than anything for his parents to have a home, and not be in unheaval and God has answered those prayers and we have spoke so often of how amazing it would be to share life as we know it with Andy and Nat and their kids in the same city and now that, too, has been an answered prayer...oh to give Praise face to face to the One that makes everything happen! Colin...you have the best job up there, to sit and give thanks at the feet of Jesus, let Him know how thankful we all are as well!
there is peace and unspeakable blessings in being carried by God, in His perfect timing, no matter the situation. I saw it in the midst of our darkest hour, how Andy and Nat and Colin and i ordered our last "low-key" yummy meal before we brought him home for his last days, and remembering back to that perfect evening, of laughing and crying and just being real to speak whatever we wanted to each other no matter how aweful it sounded...and how when Andy offered for Colin to wear his Flames jersey as his outfit to be buried in...Colin quickly told Andy that he would for never get into heaven with that thing on! haha..How perfect that night was, just the four of us processing...we had actually planned to rush home that night, but i'm grateful we listened to God's gentle urge to stay put. And now too, in our healing, with so much to be thankful for, God is still ushering us through this life with His utmost care and showing us His timing is ALWAYS perfection...JOY, copious amounts of Joy is how i feel at this moment.