Saturday, November 27, 2010

ok, so the inevitable is here...Corban's baby is 5 years old, i can't even believe where the time has gone. Oh to gracefully get through this weekend...i am also planning on getting our Christmas decorations out and up..Thankfully my mom and Nat declared it a family affair so i won't be by myself to do it. To be honest i've been pushing this off, just not thinking about it cuz i don't really want to do this stuff alone...BUT i won't allow Satan to steal my JOY. This past week, i have to confess, was one of the worst weeks in a very long time...i've been growing SO much in my relationship with God so the days have kicked off to this amazing start and each day, gradually just gets worse...i've been hit hard with the point that i am crippled as a single parent. I feel like all i do some days is discipline and get mad and play the middle man between the two boys, and i don't want them to start to resent me or push me away because of that. Lately, if i let my guard down and give them an inch, they gang up and take a mile. I know that these are lies and that i am capable and i am sufficient right now, but man, i'm exhasuted from being emotionally attacked.
whoa..i just got a call from Corban's bus driver, she was talking with him yesturday at his bus stop and asked where his Daddy was...whether he worked out of town or something...Corban told her that his Daddy died and that it was his fault because Colin carried him too much and that's why he started having his back pain. Oh wow, where do i even start, and my heart is breaking because this is pain that i just can't spare him from, i can't make it go away or even lessen it. I just wonder some days if i can get them through this without too many scars...i have just been talking with Corban and i asked him honestly if he thought it was his fault, and he said no, but when things come out of his mouth, i guess it's just good i'm aware that he had a thought like that, however fleeting it may be...i'm gonna go pray with him and talk about this and try to shed some light and just keep affirming him...i'll use the information as a tool that i need to help us through...
Can I ask for some prayers of strength and wisdom and that God's healing touch can be over us as we hit some more bumps...that we can stay tightly by HIS side and be safe in HIS ARMS:)
Love, Melissa


  1. Oh missy I will be praying without ceasing for you during this time (and always for that matter!)..My prayer this moment is that you feel courage and love that only come's from Jesus! Hugs,
    Ashley Jackson

  2. continuing to keep you and the boys in my prayers! Don't give up, you are doing a wonderful job.

  3. Dear Melissa:

    I pray for you and the boys, often, and will continue to do so. All my love.

    Aunt Debbie

  4. Praying for you and your boys, Melissa.

  5. You and the boys continue to be in my (and Tim's prayers. My heart just broke hearing about Corban's conversation with his bus driver. How differently children internalize things than we as adults do. I'm so glad she called you.
    I've been thinking of you as Christmas approaches, too, knowing that this will be a difficult time without Colin.

    My prayer is that you and the boys will find God's grace sufficient, as he promised in his word. He is holding you, Melissa and will never ever let you go.

    A. Lorrie

  6. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness Lam.3:22,23
    Praying for you as I know you are praying for us.

    Charlaine Schindel

  7. Out of the mouths of Babes...We as adults struggle with death and trying to understand why, I am not sure how we can get the little ones to understand. All we can do is talk about it and try to get them to see from their prespective. You will do just fine and know that you are not in this alone. Your family and friends are praying and you are not walking throught this alone God and Colin are helping you to find the right words to try to explain this to your precious boys...