Here and Now...

You have no idea how good it feels to clean the house, top to bottom, with as little interruption as i had this morning..Keegan just following me with his little cloth, dusting and cleaning everything i was! It was awesome, the music was up so loud and we just went to it! I have a dream to one day have the house actually stay clean for an entire day but as long as i have two energetic hurricanes in my house, my dreams will have to be put on hold....i'm positive most of you mom's reading this can relate exactly to what i'm saying! It just feels good to feel good...to be productive. The kids have been playing tag with a nasty chest cold for the past few weeks, so with the cold weather thrown in to that mix, we were a bunch of caged animals, as again, i know so many of you can relate! At least we're not alone right?! We're all pretty much in the same boat, but i don't think it makes it any easier for any of us!
I need to paint a picture for you...i'll do my best to describe it exactly the way i witnessed it. I was in our office, checking my email, listening to some tunes, and usually where the music is, Keegan and I aren't too far behind boppin' to the beats. So as he was dancin' he climbed up onto the loveseat behind me, and stood on the sidearm, it's flat and right up above it is a beautiful picture of our dearest Colin all decked out in his uniform and smiling so magestically! My dearest Keegie Bear puts both his arms up with his hands on the wall, one on either side of the picture, where he starts to have quite a detailed conversation with his Daddy. Telling him about the cars he was playing with, asking him if he was a Policeman and now that he was in heaven, was he still Police?! Then he starts to talk and then giggle, all the while still very intently starring into Daddy's picture...not at all aware that i was watching him with tears in my eyes. I find myself in this default setting, I just still think that maybe he'll come walking in the door, that this wasn't our life, that i didn't have to be the one to lose my love~some of our days with being sick were so long, i remember when Colin and I would be wishing away the time until the kids were in bed, we would pack all of us up and just take a drive and see what fun we could have and where we would end up. So that's what i did, but it just wasn't as fun as it once was...and the boys just wanted to go back home, so i explained to them that we were taking the long way around:) That seemed to appease them and give me a few minutes of peace and quiet, well maybe not quiet, but all i had to do was drive and nothing else! I am trying so desperately to enjoy these times with my boys, but this life was never meant to be spent alone. The beauty of how God created family, the essance of a family unit, i'll never take it for granted again. If God would allow for that unit to be repaired and restored in our lifetime, i guess i'll have to keep seeking Him for our direction, wherever that may take us! I guess i just gotta keep pluggin away...making sure i see the many, many things to be so thankful for...especially when the days feel like years!
The house is quiet, Keegan is having a nap, i'm done cleaning...and i only have about a 45 minute window of some quiet, i'm gonna go enjoy that right now!
Happy Weekend!
Love, Melissa
ps..thanks for thinking to my random thoughts, just what's on my heart right at this moment!