Something that's on My Heart...

Ya know when you have those days, when it seems all is right with the world, like finally something you’re telling your kids is sinkin in and somehow it feels like you’re moving forward? (honestly, who am i kidding, it may feel like it, but i’m not sure what is really sinkin in..maybe on the 10th or 12th time of saying it...i’ve lost track already...lol)
Maybe it’s those glimpses of The Joy of the Lord that God desires us to have each and every day....could you imagine?! I think it’s become this far off dream of ours that this type of Joy in each day is somehow impossible to attain and even harder to hold on too. The weird, yet common sense thing about it is, I’m thinkin God must be just beating His head against a door because this is probably, simply, what He wants most in our everyday lives.... for us to wake up, say “good Morning, Lord, I choose Your JOY to seep through every aspect of my life and my day, Protect me from being robbed of that JOY You so desire in me”. It comes back to the very point of the intense power of Praising God through each and every circumstance, but then why is it so hard to adopt into our daily living?! It’s a trickledown effect, when we have that JOY, we want to Praise, and we want to believe God to do amazing things in and through us......i think once we’ve caught a glimpse of how it tastes, it becomes harder and harder to let go of and forget about. I think this is the nature of God Himself. That once we taste HIM and His Grace and Love, which we can’t help but want more of that peace and that JOY only HE gives. Too many people look at faith as this chore, like it’s somehow requires you giving up everything that makes you, you, and you no longer can be who you are. But the sad part of that thought is that God knew you before you were ever created, He spend so much time dreaming about your heart, your likes and dislikes..what makes you happy, what is important to you...HE knew before your life began the circumstances that would shape who you are today, and HE loves you more today with all that baggage and life experience than He did the day he dreamed you into being! I just think that our narrow-minded thinking of faith has blanketed all “religions” and branded and robbed people from entering into a really cool friendship with the God of the universe...How many belief systems can say that...I am a friend of God’s! He and I are on speaking terms, we talk, we have a relationship, and a friendship, and it’s up to me how deep i want to take that! So He not only desires to be a part of every area of my life, but He allows me to move through this relationship on my terms?!?!?! Whoa...The thing i’m thinking, is i’m just human, i’m gonna mess it up just like i mess everything else up when i try to do things on my own accord! Yikes, He must love me a whole heck of a lot to do this at the snail’s pace i’ve set before Him...all i’m learning is that He really doesn’t require much...that maybe the 20 something years i’ve been immersed in this faith has actually taken me further away than realizing the simplest of beauties is right in front of me...so pure, so rich, and so full of the most amazing blessings, if only i just accept that Great Loss, God endured by choosing to give His son so we wouldn’t have to face the end that was set up for us...that death doesn’t actually mean death at all, but the start of life, itself...true life, forever of the most amazing life we could ever imagine....and He asks nothing of us but to just believe that He did it for US!!! I don’t think it gets any cooler than that right there, if that doesn’t give you a glimpse of JOY, i don’t know what will. There is something to be said about having the bottom taken out from underneath you that will bring you to the very breaking point of forgetting everything else you “thought” mattered, and dumps you right back to the basics of what it came down to in the very beginning! Doesn’t that make you wanna share this friendship? I sure wanna make sure i’m good and close to the God who know’s what’s before me, and behind me, and beside me and who know’s how to fix the world of damage i manage to find myself in the middle of. It makes me pretty darn thankful, and i really want to Praise a God who has the kind of power to fix it all and still bless me through it....but those blessings i think, are in the journey of finding that closeness...discovering the heart of who God is, what He wants, and what He desires for us as His Beloved!

ps. Hope you can make sense of what's going on in my head...just felt like i had to share it!
p.p.s. The boys and I are good, trying to keep busy, praying spring will come before we either Freeze, or go crazy! haha!

Sweet Memories...

Wow! What a weekend! Our family went back out to Caronport to be apart of an Alumni Tourney being put on to raise support for the Athletics scholarship in Colin's name. What an honour to be a part of such a great weekend! I hadn't really realized it at first, but i have never been out to Caronport without Colin being with me. It was quite strange not to have him there, i honestly kept thinking...he was just working or something, and making mental notes of all the stuff i had to tell him when i got home...caught myself a few times in those thought patterns! It was weird but not in a bad way, it was this "step back in time" type of feeling when life was so much fun and carefree and simple! I forgot just how much fun and amazing memories we had from that place! It will always have a special place in my heart! I was asked to speak at the Banquet on Saturday night, which gave me a perfect oppertunity to share who Colin was and just a bit about our journey for those who didn't know him or hadn't played hockey with him. I am so incredibly thankful for this oppertunity, because it was an answered prayer...i had prayed many times in my travels back and forth to Calgary and home, that this experience would not be in vain, that we wouldn't have to go silently...that God would use our experience and raise up new believers and encourage others fighting their own battles. What a privilege it was for me to be able to share, i think the blessing was in God providing me the chance to do so, having answered my prayers from so long ago...HE is faithful, I had a great time! Thank you to all who were involved in putting this weekend together and to all who came from near and far to be apart of it!
The kids did great as well, and we had some of my family and some of Colin's family there to visit with and just enjoy catching up and relaxing at the rink together! It stung a little bit to be at the rink watching hockey, because the last time i watched any kind of hockey, Colin was playing...i miss it, i miss the atmosphere of a good hockey game! I miss watching Colin play...
It was great to get out of town, but equally great to get back home and feel refreshed for another week...
On that note, laundry is calling my name and the kitchen looks like a bomb blew off in it, so i must keep on with my day!

Love, Melissa

Whoa! it's been a bit of a stretch without an update! I better get on that now then! Well, dare i say we have a teeny tiny window of time while the boys are healthy again to get out and be social again?! "START THE CAR" haha...that silly Ikea commercial comes to mind. Man, January was a tough one this year, but i remember thinking last year, when Colin was in the thick of all his treatments, they would allow him to go home as long as no one around him was sick. Seriously?! What kids don't ever get sick, and of course so was the case, we wouldn't tell the Doc's our kids were sick cuz Colin didn't want to risk not being able to go home, so he would risk his own health just to get there. So the maddness of hand washing and lysoling after each germ filled hand touch something Colin would touch began...wow, i still can't believe how i didn't go crazy cleaning up after each of them, or how my hands didn't burn off with the lysol amounts that i used! So in a late night cleaning rampage, i remember sitting on the stairs after finishing the railings and light switches and crying into my hands...vowing that when we were able to relax a little more, when a break would come, and the kids were "allowed" to get sick...i promised myself it would be the most freeing feeling, and i remember thinkin i won't worry anymore about it, cuz God obviously had that area under control! So, to be honest, although the days were long, i was so happy to just be free to have "sick days" again with my kids, and not have the anxiety of how this would affect our family time or how fearful i was of how it would affect Colin's health. He's all good! No sickness can touch him again! AND the worry is God's to take from me, that in itself is a huge weight and a freedom that i am spending each day basking in!

So long story short, the past few days have been busy, just scootin around town getting stuff done, along with some much needed catch up time with great friends! it's amazing how much that lifts a person's spirits! This week will be another busy one and on Friday my family and i will head out to Caronport and meet some of Colin's family there to spend a weekend at an Alumni Tourney at Briercrest in Colin's honour. This will be a fundraiser for the College Athletic Scholarship started in Colin's name. It will be very cool to be apart of and i am hoping to see lots of people we went to school with and catch up with lots of guys Colin played hockey with over the years! The best part will be to see the new rink that Colin would spend countless hours dreaming of and wanting to go and play in!
Anyhoo, we're doing good, just pluggin away, taking it one day at time, it's good!
Happy Monday!
Luv, Melissa