Thursday, August 18, 2011
WOW!! I can't believe it's been a month since i've updated this blog! let me tell you, i've been thinking about it SO much but to actually sit down and type is two different things! let me see...where do i begin...
Well i guess i need to tell you about our family holiday to Shushwap! I honestly can't even begin to describe to you how amazing it was! To have two entire families, the Motz's and the Ziegenhagels altogether at the lake!! 16 people ate together every night for supper and we all had a blast just hangin out swimming and skiing, boating and tubing! The weather wasn't amazing and the water levels were so high there wasn't much of a beach, but watching all our kids playing in the water and just being able to 'be' altogether was so refreshing and SO much needed!
I realized something one morning when me and the kids were at the water, just me sippin my coffee and our toes in the sand talkin....i realized that i feel "me" again...i feel healed...like i'm standing and those broken pieces have been healed over into beautiful scares that i won't ever hide or look away from, but i can smile and really laugh and just be "me" again...mind you, i promised Colin and myself that i would make some much needed changes and i am trying my best in making sure those changes become apart of me...things like not being afraid of risks...because whether i fall flat on my face or come out in success...i took a risk and it removes that fear that can literally paralyze a person from truly living! I have learned to be in the moment...that nothing else matters other than that very precious moment i'm in...because i'll never get it back! I have learned to breathe...just breathe and that through those beautiful cleansing, healing breaths, i have strength from my God who guides and protects me each step i take! I have learned that even though i have two young kids, being spontaneous is a pretty awesome thing, and i too, can be pretty spontaneous...i've been able to relax...to lose that worrisome nature that i have always hated about myself...i can be at peace in knowing there's a God bigger than us all who has promise 'little ol me' that HE can figure it all out FOR me!!!
I am also learning to allow myself to dream and i am discovering dreams from my childhood that i have stifled because i have just repeated that they just aren't possible...well why the heck NOT?!!? I can dream, and those dreams can come true! Just you wait!!!
Whoa, sorry, got a bit sidetracked there...where was i? oh yes, holidays, i proved to myself on holidays that i could camp with my boys, not tenting but the 5th wheel we rented was AWESOME and i am officially coverted to that kinda camping!! The 3 of us are experiencing new things together and i am finally confident that i can do this kinda stuff with my boys...so we decided to extend our time in BC and take some extra days to come home, we stopped over in Canmore, stayed in a hotel for the first time just the 3 of us...spent the day in Calgary before coming home and we had an absolute blast together...i feel as though this summer has bonded us in the coolest way, and so now as we enter back to school time, i'm almost grieving that our time is coming to an end, Corban is gonna be full time in Grade 1 and my little Keegie Bear is going to be a lost puppy without his bestest friend and big brother. They are playing SO good together and having SO much fun, sometimes i just sit and watch them, just soak it in because all too quickly they start fighting and wrestling, then back to loving again! it's crazy cute and such an honor for me to parent these two precious little boys!
Yes, as i mentioned so many times before, i have SO much to be thankful for...BUT i'm thankful that God has put me back together again, and He's woven new qualities and changes that will forever be engrained into who i am today...i'm changed, i'm better, i'm whole and most importantly, i'm HIS....and now i'm getting so very excited to see what our next chapter is gonna be...i'm JOYFULLY dreaming BIG dreams, and praying like crazy they all come true!