Into the Unknown...2011

A new year..Already?! Honestly i don't even know what the heck happened this year?! I remember telling everyone i came in contact with last year at this time, that 2010 was our year, cuz really, it couldn't get any worse, right?! Whoa...I believe i was still so incredibly naive. Standing at the door looking into our 2010 ahead, there was so much hope, so much promise and optimism for what was in our future, both with Colin's new career and with our family. We were basking in the amazing change God had brought into our lives and we were given this new perspective of never taking any moment we had together for granted. I'm so grateful for that change, because the first 4 months would be the last we would have together as a complete family unit, whole, healthy and happy enjoying every single minute together! Man, i just can't believe there was still more to come...that our God had other plans that in my human way of thinking, i still can't piece together the gravity of what we lived through. BUT i think there is a Heavenly reason for that. God is my shield and what i have learned through this, is that i have absolutely no control over this life or any of the people whom i love so dearly. God has this incredibly intricate and intertwined plan for us and HIS timing for each of us is set, so perfectly by GOD alone! I am able to see the beauty in that plan, and although however lonely this road is without having someone to share it all with, i fully trust that God has some sort of a plan for me!
Our Christmas was so great! It was good to get away, great to be with family who we love so much and just to be on the farm away from it all, it was the best way to spend our first Christmas with Colin in Heaven. I kinda felt like there was this weird emptiness following me...I just felt lost, with how to even feel this Christmas, that even though there was people around and the house was full, I was alone. I drowned myself with how excited the boys were for Christmas and even though there was some lack of sleep involved, all in all, we had a wonderful Christmas. New Years however, is quiet, but by choice...New Years was always a time for Colin and I to spend together, we would always plan things with friends but secretly enjoyed just spending it together at home with movies and snacks till wee hours of the morning, just the two of us! Speaking of which, i'm gonna go crawl into bed and watch a movie right away here. Just thought i would update how we were holding up...to be honest, as a friend recently explained, it's not the lead up to this holiday season that is the worst, it's after it's all over that is the hard part...the silence, having nothing in the forseeable future to look forward too...So, onto 2011, with not an ounce of knowledge of what our future looks like, but i pray for many smiles and much laughter and memories with the people that i love!
Happy New Year!
Love, Melissa