The Worst Possiblility Has Come True....

This is the news, i most dreaded having to deliver again. Colin's cancer is back. Right now all we know is that it is for sure in his spinal fluid again. Now they begin the testing to see if it has spread and what Stage of Cancer he is in. Oh God, give us the strength to endure, GIVE COLIN THE FIGHT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN! We are broken and overwhelmed and sad and mad and so very exhausted. We have no other information at this point, we will hear more tomorrow as to how far along the cancer is, and what the gameplan will be for length of time and treatment. This time around, though, if they can get the cancer under control he will need a marrow donor, because his own stem cells didn't work. BUT we have no way of knowing right now if he will even qualify for this, it's all still too soon. We are up against the odds though, the more the cancer returns, the harder it is to treat, and there is the possibility then of it being resistant to the chemotherapy. Pray against this! Please pray that the Burkitt's Lymphoma is isolated to his spine, and that this will respond well to the chemo. This morning they already started with his first spinal injection of chemo, so they are acting quick and we are thankful!
Once we know more definitely what we are up against i will update again!
Andy and Nat are here with me and Mom and Dad and the kids will be coming up tomorrow to Calgary. Colin's mom is also on her way out by the weekend to help! PRay for safe travels.
To each of our friends and family who are walking this with us, i am SO sorry for this pain, we know you are feeling this too, i have prayed a blanket of prayers for those involved, we love you, we send you hugs and even though we are all spread out, we're all in this together! Forgive me for those i haven't been in contact with, i just need to keep this blog going......my thoughts are scattered right now and we're trying to just figure all of this out and process it all. Again.

Melissa

Patience...

Well, today is almost over, kinda uneventful to say the least. The only test they did today was the Spinal Tap....they took 4 viles worth of fluid so all the tests could be done! The Doc's have bascially narrowed it between a severe viral infection or reoccuring lymphoma. They have also caught another symptom....something has settled in his left lung. We don't know what yet, but they are going to make sure they find out. Unfortunately, we are set back a day because of the busy day the Doc's had, they weren't able to get here until almost 330pm. So now we wait until Wednesday. No one else really said anything else that we haven't heard yet, so again, we wait. Colin was up more today, awake, i mean. So i hope he'll have a good sound sleep tonite, and i hope that his head aches keep getting a little better each day. He is SO weak, though, i'm trying to get him up as much as i can, but he can't handle much more than the bathroom and back.....but tonite i got him a shake and he's managed to get about half of it down. This will help get his strength up and get his body nutrients. Since he hasn't been eating solids since this whole thing has started and he's been basically bed-ridden as well.
We're trying to be patient, and we're running out of ways to help calm each other's nerves!
I don't think either of us will have rest until we get some answers!
i'll tell you what we know tomorrow after the Doc's come around!

Luv, Melissa

On the Verge...

Greetings from Unit 57 at Foothills Hospital in Calgary....oh man, i wish i didn't have to say that again. I had to fight the tears that were coming as i drove into the hospital parking lot this afternoon. It was a tearful and quiet drive for me, something that i needed, just some time to process everything by myself without having anyone or anything around to try to distract me. I've felt so disconnected from Colin these last few days, so it's been good to see him, he's sitting up and we're talking, just catching up and trying to get all the information we missed in Medicine Hat. I mean that in the nicest way possible. The nurses and doc's in Medicine Hat do what they can, but there is just nothing compared to being up here, having the resources they do here, Colin is indeed in good hands!
There is a whole load of testing booked for tomorrow, and they have been treating Colin for a bad throat infection (from all the throwing up) and preventatively for more infection.
The Doc says that we should know a definite answer by Tuesday afternoon, whether it's Lymphoma or another viral/bacterial infection.....Tuesday can't come soon enough!
The nurses are just looking at us with these "i'm sorry" sympathetic faces on....i think they're afraid of coming too close for fear of me bursting into tears! lol....look out....it could happen:)
Colin got here last nite and my brother came to meet him......Colin SO appreciated a familiar face to come too, and i will be staying with Andy and Nat until we get this figured out.....wow, i never thought we'd be staying with them other than for fun fmaily visits......Lord, keep us open, to learn, Give us strength to get through whatever road we are on, Please bring healing to Colin's body!

Will keep posting as more info comes to me!
Once again, the encouraging comments mean more than you'll know! Thank you, ever so much for your prayers and support!
Melissa

There are no words....

So, today went WAY too fast....funny since nothing around here has ever moved fast for us up to this point! The Doc came in today and told us first thing this morning they had cause for concern.....I guess was the best and worst news to get the bal rolling....Colin was airlifted to Calgary this afternoon and they have him in a room on UNIT 57....doesn't that ring a bell?!?! yup, we're back on old stomping grounds AGAIN! After curling up in the fetal position this morning, my parents picked me up and i somehow managed to get clothes on and be a functional person today. Although i've felt that all too familiar fog that has come to settle over me, now i know it's shock, and i've been doing my unthinkable with having to break it to Corban that Daddy had to go back to Calgary, and that tomorrow morning i have to go up to talk to the Doc's AGAIN! oh, God, how could this all happen again so soon after just coming home to be a HEALTHY family again!
I should back up...we don't know yet what this all means, just that Calgary can be of better care for Colin right now, and they can get the testing done at lightening speed compared to what happens here in Medicine Hat on these issues, so he's in a good place and he's in good hands, and i just have to trust that he's taken care of. I couldn't go today, i just couldn't leave the kids the way we left the last time.....Corban can't take that again. I'm trying to be SO sensitive for him, to make sure he's ok, but now i just have to pray that he's protected. That his mind and his heart are guarded by God, Himself! We cried together and he told me that he didn't want to do this again.....i don't either! i just pray we have the strength for it, i'm living hour by hour, not even day by day....God give us strength for THIS hour!
How i didn't want to draw on you all for support in this way, we were SO blessed to be rejoicing with all of you and how Colin was recovering and progressing...BUT here we are and someone wise just explain what the word "meek" means, "humble acceptance of the unjust things that happen in our lives", Oh, Lord teach me to be meek, Thank You for Your peace that passes all understanding....Thank you for faithful people whom you send to support us, and love us, teach us to find things to be thanful for in all of this!
Once again, we are still unsure of the exact diagnosis at this potint, BUT Colin is in Calgary and he's in good care, i will be going up tomorrow, and my parents are here keeping the boys with them at home in Medicine Hat, i pray i'm not gone too long without a diagnosis!
i will keep letting you know how to pray!
Thank you for your prayers already! WE FEEL THEM~Blessings to you all!

Melissa

News, but no news..AHHH

Today was a long day....i went this morning with hopes to hear from the Doc in the AM, but when 4pm rolled around i was ready to knock some heads! I found Colin's nurse and respectfully demanded that we see the Doc to tell us something from the MRI results!!!!! She explained that he is never in, and only does his rounds late at night because he is SO busy (neurologist). Then another nurse found him sitting reading reports down at the END OF THE FLOOR~THANK YOU GOD!!!!!! so i kindly told them i was going to stand at the doors to the 4th floor and wait to talk to him until he was ready to leave.....so i waited and waited, and had to go pee like none other and then HE CAME WALKING TOWARDS ME!!!! So, i stopped him and he took me back to a computer and looked with me at the MRI results.....there is a growth on Colin's pituitary gland....BUT nothing that he is particularly concerned with....as in, this is not the cause of his symptoms, but he is sending it away to a brain specialist in Calgary for a second opinion and to have it analyzed. OK. So that leaves us at square one, with no improvement in Colin's symptoms other than what relief the meds are giving him.
Then he said, he was taking our nurse and going to Colin's room to do a spinal tap....to measure the pressure in Colin's spinal fluid. YES, there is an increase of pressure causing Colin's symptoms, BUT now we have to figure out the cause.....could be a bacterial or viral infection attacking his brain OR it could be cancer OR who knows, something else that we haven't thought of.....SO WE WAIT!

Please pray, i'll keep you posted!
luv, Missy

Whatever Today May Bring

Well, today they moved Colin to a private room, i think with him throwing up, they want to keep him isolated as much as they can. This morning they tried unsuccessfully to get a CT scan, he was feeling a little better until he had to drink the stuff before, then started throwing up again, and so then his head pain came back even worse. He was supposed to get an MRI after the CT, but as soon as he got something for the nausea, they took him for the MRI first, then the CT and that worked much better. They also have a lumbar puncture scheduled, but the Doc's need to see the results from the MRI before they go ahead with that. So Colin is sleeping now, trying to get some rest. His parents came this morning, so i honestly haven't seen or talked to Colin much today and with all the testing he just needs his rest. The distraction of people is good for the kids. So, yet again, we wait....wow, i'm starting to think God's attempting to teach us patience here, He's kinda hitting us over the head with it! heehee;)
We have peace there is an explanation, serious or not, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. i'm putting into practice the lesson learned from Calgary, GOD GIVES ME ENOUGH STRENGTH TO GET THROUGH THIS DAY/HOUR/MINUTE.....and that is what we are living.
ok, i'll make sure to post as soon as we get results back.....hopefully today.....hopefully i can catch the Doc to speak with him directly! Whew, they're impossible to track down here, i guess we were spoiled in Calgary to have the constant watch of the Doc's....there's just not as many to go around and everyone needs their care:)
anyhoo, off to take on the rest of what today brings!
Luv, Melissa

And still we wait!

Here's what more i know from today....We saw a neurologist this evening, who assessed Colin and will be doing an MRI on his brain tomorrow. He possibly wants to do a spinal tap on him to measure the spinal fluid and pressure, to see if that may possibly be causing his headaches....he also wants to test to make sure there is no cancer cells in the spinal fluid.....which i don't think there are, but again, they are being thorough, and that is a good thing!
We saw the urologist, and Colin's Bladder issues are stemming from him being so sick and dehydrated for so long, so there is no cause for concern there at all! YEAY! one thing to cross off while more things are added to the list of tests:)
So, we wait another day for the results from tomorrow's testing to come back, and again the best case scenario is that this whole thing is a bad viral infection and he just needs our prayers to kick it once and for all!

Only God knows, and that's ok with me right now.
I'm off to bed, hopefully some restful sleep!
Talk to you in the morning!

Still Nothing Definite...

Ok, so here's the deal on what we know so far.....All of the body CT scans came back clear of any lymphoma's that may have come back, so Praise God for that! The CT scan of Colin's brain shows a small mass.....not sure what it is, and they have ordered an MRI to look at that further, because of the intense head and neck pain Colin is having. It could be something, it could be nothing, so we sit and wait for when he can get in for the MRI (pray that he can get it today), and then we go from there. There's another symptom that is cause for concern, there seems to be something going on with his bladder, so they've put a cathader in to help his bladder pain, and we are set to see another Doctor around supper time for that. They are doing more blood work and testing due to his bladder symptoms as well. He's still so very sick, but the morphine and anti-nauseants are helping manage his symptoms....this whole thing could be a virus in Colin's system as well, something that we have let take it's course, which is difficult because he's in such pain, and my natural instinct is to find the quickest way to fix it and make it better.
Strangely enough, we are both at peace.....we talked this morning about how nervous and stressed we were about our initial diagnosis in August.....but this time, all we can do is wait, and nothing is going to make the time go any faster....so we wait and pray like crazy for this to pass and for us to start getting some answers on what is going on inside Colin's body.
I don't have anything else to report right now, but i'll update as soon as we talk to the Doctors again this afternoon.

Please keep praying!

Not Again.....

So, i'm back with another update. Colin has spent the last 8 days now throwing up and basically bed-ridden. We have been to the ER now twice for a fill-up on IV fluids and with each time, the Doc's have said it's just a virus, to go home and wait for it to pass. So that's what we have done, but with each passing day of not getting any sign of improvement, today enough is enough. After throwing up all nite long, and another sleepless nite, this morning i called the chain of Doc's from our Calgary Doc's to the Cancer Clinic here in Medicine Hat for help. We were told that we needed to see our family ASAP so they were gracious enough to get us in this morning right away. With concern from our family Doc that this is something maybe more serious than the flu, he got us to head straight to the hospital to see a Specialist there for further assessment. This Doc decided to admit Colin at least over nite, so they can do more testing and be really thorough, either to rule the more serious things out, or find what the exact cause of his symptoms is. He has intense pain in his head/neck/shoulders and then he gets the nausea, so they are doing an MRI of his brain to see if there is cause for concern, or not. I'm praying for the "or not". My heart just breaks for how much pain he is in, and i just want an answer for the cause of his symptoms, so they can treat him. It all makes us a bit nervous because this is exactly how our journey started last July.....this is all still so fresh for us, things were really going well and Colin was just starting to feel amazing! If i could ask you to pray that God gives us enough strength for this day, and for answers, as scary as that is to think of all the possibilities.

Me and the kids are continuing to stay healthy, so that is an answer to prayer, and our main focus is to just get "Daddy" back home safe and healthy!

i'll keep updating as we know more info, hopefully by the end of today we'll have something more concrete!

Luv, Melissa

Much too Soon!

Whew, what a week, and it isn't even over yet! Well, as Colin has been preparing to head back to work as of April 1st, he has managed to catch the nastiest flu bug along the way! I was praying he would hold on until he could get his flu shot and stuff on the 25th of March but low and behold......he has been sick since Monday, like stomach flu sick. So after progressively getting worse as the days wore on, i took him to emergency this morning, just to make sure there wasn't anything else we needed to be worried about! The walk going back to the emergency was just a little too soon for both of us, since we spent a lot of time there in August and November! I almost started crying at how a short time ago we were waiting in that same small room with Colin's muscle spasms (from the cancer), trying to process the diagnosis! How far we've come, but how fresh it all still is!
Needless to say, they got him a bed very quickly after checking in and the Doc ordered a whole bunch of bloodwork, just to make sure considering his history! Great news, he's got a really bad case of the stomach flu! Who knew something like that was good news.....but to us, to anyone for that matter, it could be worse, right?! So i have him home now, upstairs trying to get some rest and just keep hydrated and wait it out! If anyone does still read our posts, could you say a prayer that the kids stay safe from this flu.....i think Colin has had it bad enough for us all! IF you could keep him in your prayers to start getting better and stronger and that the nausea would stop, that would be so much appreciated!

I will update as soon as things settle down and with reports of him much better, i'm sure!
Luv, Melissa

100 days

Well I have hit 100 days post transplant! I am feeling really good these days and I continue to workout and train to return to work in May. I have had an exciting week with today being day 100 and also getting some back to work stuff finalized. Starting April 1 I begin training again full time to catch up on some things I missed while in hospital and also to refresh on some other things. I have had great support from everyone at the Police station encouraging me to get better and regain my strength. A few members in particular have been especially awesome helping me get back into training and on the right path to returning to work. To those members, I say thank you for all your guidance and support!

With my return to work plan in place its seems like it is sneaking up on us a little bit. I am definitely cherishing all my time with the boys and Melissa during the days right now, but I do look forward to going to work. Once shift work begins my time with them will be that much more important! We will get our family time and it will be all the more special.

As I start into my full time training I will try to keep updating my progress and what we are doing as a family. Thank you for all your prayers and support over the last number of months. Be blessed and to God be the glory!

Colin