Getting into a Good Groove...

A verse that has been on my heart and in my mind today has been one out of James (a personal favorite of mine to read), chapter 1 verse 2-4: "Consider it pure JOY, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything."
Again i am reminded how much our lives have been changed forever by the course of events over the last year and a bit now....it was 2 whole months, yesturday, that Colin has been gone....i don't even know what to say to respond to that time. What i can tell you is that we are feeling so safe and cozy and settled in our new home, which was the best decision God layed out for me and the boys to have a fresh start. I keep looking around still in awe that we got the house of our dreams, Colin would be just over the moon excited about this house if he were here. Me and the boys are establishing our little family unit again, and i feel so good about the progress we've been making. Obviously life has been pretty quiet, just catching up with friends and having lots of playdates to keep busy...but the past few days, for the first time since Colin's been gone, i feel like i'm safe enough to stay home...not having to be so busy all the time. I feel the beginning of healing and restoration taking place, and it feels good. Don't get me wrong, my heart hurts, but i know God is hurting with me, and He's also the One carrying me through that hurt to have some good happy heart times too! I've never heard anywhere that this life we live won't bring us trials or tough times, but i do know that God has already overcome this world, so we can find our hope in those promises! Today, i've already cleaned the bathrooms, planned out Corban's lunch, i have his backpack all packed up and ready to go, and we've already planned breakfast in the morning, too! We are as ready as we'll ever be for this day. Boy, everything i envisioned for this moment is so backwards...Colin and i were just trying to get him to be there for this day, but God had other plans, and we have to be ok with that. I may not like it, but i'm ok with it, because we had bigger prayers of healing that needed to be addressed and i guess God knew and trusted me alone, to handle this momentous occasion in our son's life. I can honestly tell you i am so completely excited for him to start school, to watch him learn and grow and make friends...he deserves this time to learn! I am also so grateful to have some "catch up" time with Keegan...i feel like i completely missed out on his little life from age 1 until 2, so now for tomorrow when we get back home from getting Corban off to school, i am planning on getting the biggest stack of books and just sitting on the couch with my littlest man, and catching up on all the reading i missed out on! I know, i don't have to do it all in one day, i'm sure we won't get very far, but he loves to read, and i want to honor that and be with him to read those books, like mommy's do! I am being a mommy, exactly what i've wanted to do and to be my whole life, and i'm so excited that we are falling into this groove of the 3 of us that feels so simple and perfect and normal. Our normal, and i'm determined to make it the best normal life for my two little men! I just never thought this transition would come, it was always far off, and now it's tomorrow....i'm praying like crazy it all goes ok...don't worry i'll be updating you on how we make out tomorrow! Just Breathe...right?! oh ya, i actually need to do it, and not just write it;)
love, Melissa