Tuesday, September 28, 2010

So Small...

So, i'm pleasantly surprise to report that Keegan is on day #4 of potty training and he is on day #2 of being accident free and telling me when he has to go! For some reason, I thought that he would give me a whole lot more trouble in this milestone but I also think that God knows what i can handle right now, and He's making this easy on all parties! I like to think of it as a confidence builder in the parenting department, like God is saying, "See? You're gonna be just fine, look you're doing it!"....BUT i will be the first to say that i take no credit in this stuff...i just squeeze my eyes shut (so to speak) and hold on tight! I'm VERY proud of my little man, he's doing amazing and he's growing in every way and i'm enjoying every minute of it! Today was another milestone in my parenting journey...my first parent/teacher interview!!! Yikes, now there's a scary thought...every time my parents came from one of those there was always one constant thing to report. "Melissa is doing good, but she would do better if she would STOP talking so much"...so this is what i was half expecting for Corban, but his teacher was very happy to report that he is doing great and constantly improving his printing and coloring skills and he's a good listener (he should bring that skill home with him) and very kind and loving to the other kids. There, i did it...i may have shed a tear or two on the way (good thing it was out in Seven Persons)...I just always looked forward to having Colin by my side for these types of things, i'm still getting used to doing this stuff on my own.

It brings me to this thought that i just can't get out of my head today...me, and what i am going through is just one teenie tiny speck in what God does...When i look around at the many people i come into contact throughout my days, i can't help but wonder what they are going through and what they're story is. God is SO BIG...i am SO small but that's why it's such a comfortable fit, i'm glad i'm not big, i'd rather trust the One who created it all, and all of us, to be in control cuz He's the expert, not me, i'm just trusting Him for each day...making sure i can be the best friend and sister and daughter and most importantly Mommy that i can possibly be, and by doing that i wanna be as teachable as i can...i don't have the slightest clue how to do this, but i do know God does, i'm just so glad i can rest in that!

I was reminded today that i had dreamed of winning this battle with cancer and that Colin and I would come out together, strong and completely changed. I guess it kinda happened but i pictured that the way we would celebrate was to renew our wedding vows...i've always wanted to do that, always seen it in the movies. On my drives to and from Calgary amongst other things, i would think of how we would plan it, who would be there, and what love songs we would dance the night away too. I even planned on a song that i would sing to Colin, if i could ever do it without bawling my eyes out...maybe i'll think of something cool to do for Colin's 30th Birthday...He would have been 30 this coming January, and a friend gave me this cool idea of celebrating Colin on his birthday...stay tuned for those plans!

My heart is so heavy for another family who has been affected by cancer and devastated by it's effects, I haven't asked permission to mention any names, but to think of another family going through what we have gone through brings everything back so fresh...I think i was in so much shock when i was going through it with Colin that i didn't have time to stop and really process what all had happened and what we were really doing in those last moments...now, knowing that another family has to do the same brings me right back to the gravity of it all...the intense loss we all experienced. My prayers are with these families tonight! May His everlasting peace comfort and guide you!
We are but one of so many but how perfect God's plan for each of us no matter how lost or small we may feel! I think there is such intense raw beauty in each of our story, how God has raised us on top of mountains and walked with or carried us through those extreme valleys...I keep Job in the forefront of my mind, when i start to feel sorry for myself. Job just kept going through all of the loss and pain and devastation, he kept praising God and trusting His master plan, that's my prayer, that i can be more like Job!
I need to say thank you, again, for being the one's whom i can come and talk too and share my journey through this unknown with...you have brought so much comfort and there has been so much healing done by being able to share my story!
Love, Melissa


  1. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart with us. We ache with you, rejoice with you, and continue to pray for you.
    What good news about Keegan. You are an amazing, Mom, Melissa - God gives you grace each day to mother your boys as He wants them mothered.

    A. Lorrie

  2. Hurray for Keegan!! Hope his days continue "Dry" and sunny :) Thanks for still inspiring us with your blog entries Melissa....Love you and think of you often,,.Hope to get to Med Hat soon to see your new place..have you and the boys visited Kaleb yet to see where he is living :) drop in sometime on him :)

    Love Auntie Dawna for the Motz men too

  3. Hi Melissa ,
    I don't know what you have in mind for remembering Colin's
    birthday .
    Jared had a birthday party at his house for anyone who would like to come and celebrate Krista's life . He wanted the kids to see how many people loved her and how many people still care about them . He had a journal there so that anyone could write their favorite " Krista " story so that when the kids get older they can read fond memories of their Mom .
    It also gave him the opportunity to express his appreciation for the many people who have helped him in his journey .
    Whatever you decide I have no doubt you will honor Colin .
    Hugs ,

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