Switching Gears..

HOME SWEET HOME... to Medicine Hat...oh what a great holiday it was! We stayed at two very beautiful bed and breakfasts and spent the days lazing around the beach with the Ziegenhagel Clan who camp at Pierre's Point each summer! What great medicine and just what i needed to switch gears back into a "mommy" role. It's been a long time, or so it feels and i have forgotten what it feels like to kick back and be carefree with our boys! Corban tried water skiing and both boys were on a little beginner ski trainer, oh yes, even Keegan, being pulled behind the boat!! I have water babies!!! i'm surprised their skin isn't falling off right now for how much they were in the water the last 6 days! What precious time to get away, but oh the heart ache i felt while we were there....i spent a lot of time in thought about how much fun Colin would've had with the boys, and me:) I was thrilled to see the boys so involved with the boat and trying new things, but i was equally heart-broken that i was alone in my joy for them both....i know we had family and friends around, but no one can fill that void that Colin filled, i wish so much they could, but they can't....
On our drive home tonite we drove through Calgary on 16th Ave, and my heart just about stopped when we passed Foothills Hospital....such saddness for a journey that feels like an eternity has passed between us...but oddly feels like it's as fresh as yesturday that we walked out for the last time never to return....God knows, the turmoil in joy and sorrow....Keegan found it that time to start calling out "daddy, daddy?" He was upset in wanting to know where his daddy has been and why he is not coming back and i just had no words to offer, only to try to hold back a tidal wave of emotion for fear Corban would follow if i let it go....Corban just simply tried to explain to him that Daddy was gone to heaven and he was not ever coming back...although so sweet and simple words to show his understanding....they cut like a knife for me....like it was news to me all over again....Holidays are over, and we are back to the reality that Colin/Daddy is gone and we miss him so much....oh wow, we are missing him so much!
One thing me and the boys are looking forward too, is being settled and moving into our new home, and making it just that...our home...taking each and every precious memory of our dearest Colin with us...I have such a precious peace going through this and i feel like this is a breath of fresh air that me and the boys need for a fresh start.
As for now, i desperately need my bed...sleep was not a strong point for the boys on this trip, so now we will play catch up with all that we missed...thankfully the fun was pretty much never-ending so sleep didn't have to be too much of a priority, i hope we can get caught up now that we're back home!
I will be in touch, but sleep is now calling my name:)
Sweet Dreams!
Luv, Melissa