Not even sure what to think....

Whoa, i have to take a deep breath before i start typing this one....i'm kinda at a loss for words. Yesturday was a very mixed day for Colin and I. It was incedibly long, and so very draining, both physically and emotionally. Let me start at the beginning. Colin was feeling "off" upon arriving at the hospital so we took it slow and once we got down to the basement and followed the mazes of hallways and signs, we were led to a waiting room for them to call us to meet the Radiation Oncologist. Well Colin was still feeling "off" and we later learned that the steroid he is on can sometimes mess with your blood sugars, and mixing with anxiety and the early morning with travels, it doesn't make a person feel so hot!
Once we finally got down to see the Doc, it was a quick in and out meeting. Basically he said the standard side effects of radiation were likely to happen, extreme fatigue, nausea, vomitting, etc. Cataracts can develop over the long term, but that most everything else will subside within the months following the end of treatment. The duration of treatment will be 5 days a week for 4 weeks straight, for a total of 20 sessions of full brain radiation. Those of you who have gone down this road, Colin was measured for a brace-like mould for his head and chest to ensure he doesn't move during treatment. There is a cage-like mask that will cover the front of his face that attatches to this hard foam mould to ensure the exact position. He had CAT scans done to establish exactly where to align the X-ray- like radiation. This "x-ray" is exactly that, an x-ray but at the most intense magnitude. It will only be on him for less than a minute, but the appointment takes up to an hour, with making sure he is in the exact placement needed.
So there was the business side of things, then we went upstairs to Unit 57 to check for bloodwork and assessment by our Doc's, and when we got there, bloodwork taken, they sat down with us and said they were formally discharging Colin from their service. Oh....usually this takes place when a person has a clean bill of health and everyone is happy for you to be going home to start your new life. In our case, there is nothing more they can do for us....These next 4 weeks of radiation is it. The last of Colin's treatment whether it works or not.....whoa, not entirely what we wanted to hear. Actually we just felt like curling up together and crying right there. Instead we gathered our meds and shook their hands and thanked them so very much for the help and treatment they provided and we walked slowly out to the parking lot and headed for home.
We were assured that radiation treatment had about an 80-90% chance of relieving Colin's facial peralysis and relieving his headaches and back pain, BUT he just could not give us anything on how long it would work for.....so we have been processing, talking it out, crying it out and just enjoying THIS day, THIS gift of time and family and being at home. We are continuing to pray for our miracle, that this radiation will work and be effective for the long term. What we do know is that Colin will not ever have the option of a transplant, at any time. This treatment will be the last, and our hope is that after this we will be home together on the road to recovery! Our God is SO very BIG and SO very powerful, and right now, we're working through this information to pick each other back up and keep on fighting!
So, i leave you with that....i'm not sure what else to say, but treatments won't begin until June 14th so we have another week at home, i hope Colin stays comfortable so we can enjoy every moment of being together! We have to praise God in everything, and today, we PRAISE HIM for opening and closing doors and for taking on our sickness and pain and experiencing each minute of it before dieing on the cross for us! HE KNOWS, and HE is going before us, still leading. Praise God for that!
Please continue to pray for Colin, for him to be prepared for treatment, and for him to be protected from the side effects short and long term ones. Pray protection around his whole body but also his mind and his heart and his emotions....he is still fighting, but God's strength is what he is relying on each day!
I will let you know how we are soon! Thanks again for taking the time to read...
Luv, Melissa