Friday, July 9, 2010

Lord, Get Me Through This Day...

Wow, today is the day i have been dreading this whole week....secretly i was just hoping that i could skip around it altogether...BUT IT'S....ok...it's ok to cry, to show emotion, and i don't know what in my mind was telling me otherwise....today is going to be another one of those hardest days of my life....i just never imagined at a fresh 27 years, that i would have to lay my best friend and my love to rest. This isn't fair, BUT God only knows what perfection HE will bring through our troubles....I keep trying to look at Job...in the Bible, to give me advice. I used to think something like this could never happen to me, or that i'd only be affected by cancer and it's suffering through the "grape vine". God is good, i have jumbled thoughts and my prayer is that we can find a way to release Colin in his freedom in Heaven this day....That his perfection through Jesus will be complete and we can find a way to formally say Good-bye to our Dear One.
I still just can't believe he's gone......just breathe...in and out....I am praying God and Colin show us great things through this service today!
Luv, Melissa

30 comments:

  1. hi melissa, as a young widow once myself, I know whatthis day ahead will be for you. you are in my prayers. More than you even know. I shed tears for you of victory because Colin is where we all want to be one day, but I also shed tears because I know the long journey you will be on. This may not be the most appropriate place to put this, but I'd love to meet you (actually I have met you before I think at wednesday mornings) but I wanted to talk! Even if only by e-mail? Please feel free to contact me, alexaappell@yahoo.com. I have some excellent resources for you that I want to share.

    May God give you the courage to face this day with strength & grace of a child.

    Love, alexa

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  2. Melissa,
    I pray today that God will give you his strength, and that this day will be a blessing to many as you celebrate Colins life. We continue to pray for this most difficult day of your journey.
    Sending love,

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  3. Melissa,

    Please know that although I can't be there today I am thinking and praying for you and the boys. Although I can't completely relate to your situation I know that God will give you all the strength you need and want. I hope to see you very soon.

    Love, Justina

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  4. Melissa,
    God has given us emotion and things like tears because he knows we need to express them. He wants us to be honest with him about how we are feeling and your boys need to know it is ok to be sad and cry too. The best way they will know that is to see you do it. We can't "let God" until we "let go". Feel everything you need to, when you need to and how you need to. It is the only way you can move on. Bless you for your example of faith and love and strength. One day, one minute, one second at a time you will get through this.
    Continuing to pray for you
    Love
    Denise

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  5. Praying for you today and Missy I will breathe with you today. I will think of you and your loved ones as you walk through this funeral and we will breathe in....breathe out. Remember for today that is enough. Much love and prayers sent your way. Yvonne Kreiser

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  6. We are praying for all of you as today goes by. Your journey through all of this has been an incredible witness to many people. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs with us. We are truly blessed to see the example that God has placed in front of us. Take care of those boys.....and keep teaching them all of the things that you have taught us throughout this experience. Those expressions of faith and devotion will be a huge example to them for the rest of their lives.

    We are unable to be with you today but will be there in prayer. Thanks again for the incredible witness that you have been.

    Grasley Family

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  7. Dear Melissa,

    We've been following your blogs off and on since last year and want you to know that you've been in our prayers and will continue to be. What an amazing witness you've been to many people, your blog has made me sit back and think...a lot. We pray that today you will feel God's love envelop you and that you will rest safe in his loving arms. God will continue to guide you and provide you with the support you need. The other day I was listening to music and the first song that came on was With Hope by Steven Curtis Chapman, it was right after I had finished reading one of your blogs, so I thought I should share that with you.
    Praying for you and your boys and families.

    Love,
    Frank and Amber Devine

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  8. "blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4 - Melissa my prayer this whole day for you, your boys, and your families is that you can feel and know this promise. Meghan

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  9. Oh Missy, we will be praying for you, for the strength needed to get through this day.

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  10. Hello Melissa...
    I pray that you and your little boys will have a wonderful day celebrating Colin! I can only imagine your sadness in saying good-bye...but as you have said so many times, "God has a plan"
    And God will get you through today.
    As you know and are experiencing...life is short! Too short! You had 10 amazing years with Colin! Today is the beginning of the rest of your life...you will find love again..Just know that God and Colin will always be by your side as you continue along life's path...

    My best to you,
    Hugs, Nancy

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  11. Natasha Schiebelbein, MHPS wifeJuly 9, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    HI Melissa,

    There will be some police wives there...and although I don't know you...I need you to know that if you need to CRY ...then CRY AWAY....and we will cry with you!

    No one expects you to continue to carry the burden of Colin's illness.... This is your time to rejoice in his health now! Rejoice in the new.....!

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  12. My thoughts & prayers are with you throughout today's celebration! I am with you in Spirit. God's peace is yours.
    Love, Adam

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  13. Hey love,

    We are sending some of our strength your way to help you get through this. Im sorry I didnt get down to say Bye to you an Colin but I miss you both and hope your journey continues and gets brighter, hang in there.

    Love
    Courtney,

    RN from your Unit 57 Family!

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  14. Melissa, please know that you and your sons are in our thoughts and prayers. Don't be afraid to let your emotions spill out ... you've been so honest and open on the blog ... now just allow yourself to cry ... whether it be in private or public ... whatever you need to do to process all that you are going through. I've thought of the days a few years back when, as a young girl, you played in the sandbox in our backyard by Hillcrest College with our boys. You were a delightful child then, and you are now an amazing young woman. I can see how your faith in God has been with you through all these days. I hope you feel the prayers of others carrying you through this time as well. While we aren't in Medicine Hat to attend the service in Colin's memory, please know that we are with you in spirit and our hearts ache with you today. Joan Raugust

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  15. Dearest Missy....I may not be able to write to you tomorrow so I wanted to post this today. Colin's celebration was everything you hoped for...it was perfect.

    Now little one say to yourself I just accomplished something that I thought a day ago I couldn't. I made it through this day. I have said many times over the last year and a half when people tell me I am strong....I say God gives us strength we never dreamt we could have. As you begin this road of many firsts say to yourself at the end, I accomplished what I thought I couldn't an hour, a day, a month or a year ago. You and I know we do this by the strength our precious Lord and Saviour gives us. At times when it gets tough I remember the joy in Lorne as he entered heaven and as tough as it is for me I would never take that away from him. They truly are free.

    Tomorrow sweetie I do what I never dreamt I could do a year and half ago. I start a new life. Oh my Lorne is precious and close to my heart as always, but God healed me and showed me that I am capable of loving again.

    God will carry you whenever you need it...trust Him for that. I will be honest, I don't think I have walked much since Feb. 11th, 2009. I have been carried but it has been a safe place. Tomorrow I begin baby steps on my own :)

    I am so very proud to know you. Love you lots....HUGS Yvonne Kreiser

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  16. Melissa-
    Today I thought I was having a bad day... I follow a blog of a dear boy who had a brain injury a few years ago at age 6, and came upon your blog. As I read a few posts, I graciously felt your faith in God. I'm not having a bad day any longer, there is nothing in my day to complain about, compared to the pain you are experiencing today. Instead I send prayers your way to help you with the hole in your heart. May God grant you the strength for your boys and for your spirit to heal..
    I pray to one day have as much faith and strength in spirit, just as you do. God Bless You...
    Marilyn (NM)

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  17. Dear Melissa & family,

    These words were in a card we received when Stewart's dad died:
    Tears are a natural & healthy response to the loss of a loved one. Tears are a release for the reservoir of pain & sorrow you feel regardless of how strong your faith is. The cries of the broken hearted are a testament to the fact that ones who love deeply will weep deeply. God sees every tear & His comfort will always be available.
    "The righteous cry out, & the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted & saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:17-18

    You've been so unbelievably strong Melissa & you've survived a week many can't understand but I want you to know it's OK to let yourself grieve no matter what form that takes - laughing, crying, yelling, whatever - all in the same minute sometimes! I also want you to know it's OK for your boys to see their Mommy is a real person because I know our instinct is to protect our children but they will know if you're hurting.

    Many blessings.........Coleen Boxell

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  18. Melissa
    I did not attend the Interment service or the "bbq" :) But I was able to be at Hillcrest. You put together a beautiful service. I mostly know you through your blog as I only met your family once but through the service I now know I missed out on an awesome man of God. That church was full, full of people that saw how you and Colin handled this path God put you on. So many people have been witnessed to. It's sounds like Colin would have liked that. I'm going to continue to pray for you and continue to read your blog. Maybe someday I'll have the honour of coffee and a playdate :) but until then, prayers. God bless you and your boys as you heal.
    praying faithfully
    Michelle Isaak

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  19. Missy, you are without a doubt the strongest woman I know. You have been such an amazing witness throughout this last year.
    The service was beautiful and portrayed the hope we have in Jesus in such a powerful way. The words you spoke at the end of the service took my breath away. Thank you for allowing God to speak through you. Thank you for continuing to share your heart with us.
    May God continue to use you and may He give you joy in the morning. May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
    I love you and respect you more than you can imagine.
    Beckie Muirhead

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  20. Dear Melissa, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sad for the loss of your dear sweet beloved Colin. I wish you strength in the days ahead. They are hard and you still won't be able to believe he is gone. It never seems real or possible. But the days will be empty without him and those are the hardest days when you miss him so, some small thing. But I am happy at least that you can celebrate his being in heaven, for surely he is.

    Love to you, xo Terri

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  21. Praying on the East coast too. xo Lisa

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  22. Missy,

    Just wanted to let you know that all of us here at the Wolverton house are thinking and praying for you today. (Jerry and I are in Caronport this weekend) We pray that besides today being exhausting and devastating, you would also be blessed in a way that only the one true God can. Our hearts are breaking but we are rejoicing for Colin! I feel so privileged to have spent my four years at college with him and even graduating with him! We will continue to pray for you and the boys as you move forward.

    Much love,
    Shellie and Jerry

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  23. Hey Melissa, I have thought about you so much over the past few days but even more today as you lay your beloved husband and father to rest. I know your pain and fears cause I have been there and I am there. Only 5 months without my beloved Craig, it just doesn't get any easier but I thank God for my young girls, they get me through every day. I am thinking of you and praying for you and your darling boys. I will be here for you any day that you need to talk as we head down this journey together....both young parents alone.
    Love your friend,

    Deanne

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  24. Missy the service today was beautiful, Im sure Colin was looking down and smiling. Your boys are adorable Im glad that I got to meet them, Im not sure that we have officially met but mine and my familys thoughts have been with you guys through out this whole process, if you are ever in calgary we should all get together
    You are an amazingly strong woman
    God bless you all

    Jenn. Lydia and tyson

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  25. Hey Melissa ... I used to work with Colin at Totem and the memories that I have with him I will cherish forever. I can honestly say that he was one the most wonderful honest and genuine characters I had ever met. It was a honour to know to him.

    I have been thinking about you and the boys and am sending my love and prayers your way.
    Just know that Colin will always be looking down on you!

    You are so strong and I admired you more than you could imagine. Your beautiful words are so inspiring. Now that your journey will continue on and I hope that you can find some peace, as Colin has.

    Love, Kristen Downey

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  26. Oh Melissa....you did it! You gave Colin his very last wish! A beautiful service celebrating his entry into heaven. How proud he must be up there smiling down on you with such pride! I pray that when you lay your head upon your pillow tonight that you smile to yourself and feel such a huge peace for surviving this day! You did it and you did it well! Everyone is so proud of you! We love you!
    Sheldon and Kelly

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  27. Hi Melissa..you did it as we all knew you would and could.....would love to get the boys to play together over the summer....will give you your space...but when you feel up to it lets have a big play with the kids....take care my friend
    julie232@telus.net
    live...laugh....love (and breathe)

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  28. Hi Melissa, I lost my close friend (happens to be my aunt too) to cancer this past Monday, July 5th as well. She was only 43 and has 2 children ages 14 and 9. Reading your blog these past months has been a comfort to me as we seemed to have travelled down this difficult journey with many of the same thoughts, concerns and suffering. I to told her she could go into the arms of God. I prayed desperately to God to end her suffering. Like yours' our prayers have been answered. Funny thing is, my brain knows it to be true but my heart is broken. Now I pray for peace for her family and I also pray for you and your family. As you have said over and over again, GOD is GOOD. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.

    GOD BLESS, Anna

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  29. Hi Melissa, Your poise and composure, even through your tears, were something that will not soon be forgotten. God's presence was felt all around us and the tribute to Colin was a true testimony of his walk with the Lord. I will continue to pray for you and your little boys as you pick up the pieces and experience the closure of this chapter in your life. Laugh, cry, smile, talk, remember and know that there are many who are supporting you.
    Love, Coni

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  30. Thinking of you and the boys, praying for you constantly and lifting you up to our heavenly Father.

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