My Most Difficult Day

Here i sit, in our bed, all set back up after the hospital beds are already moved out. My True love and my brave sweet beloved is now resting in the loving arms of Our Lord Jesus. Last nite we had a rough go of things, paranoia and anxiety were overtaking him and after about 330am he was completely unresponsive. Nothing but the terrifying sounds of gasps for breath and a shallow pulse. Death is upon us and we, too, were learning along the way, but we both knew the end was near, and so Colin wouldn't let me go too far yesturday....This morning at 1033am, while we were sitting and visiting and laughing around him, Colin's sweet, loving, beautiful spirit went home....Praise God he is now fully restore and he is free from disease and pain. There is this strange but very real peace surrounding me today, this is not a devastating day but a day to rejoice that our healing can finally begin. Colin is completely healed and our prayers have been answered, Thank You Jesus! The only thing he would have wanted is for us all to Praise God for his Heavenly Entrance....and to be happy in remembering him here on earth.
Like so many of you have said before, there are no words, and now in this quiet, peaceful moment, i have no words. Such a mixture of an achy sorrow that i am now left alone, without my love to share my life with, BUT such relief that this chapter has come to an end....i feel guilty, a little bit for those feelings....the rough and bumpy days are ahead of that i'm certain, but i know that God will not let go of me now, not while HE has carried our family through this life so far. I keep remembering to breath, if i can do that simple task, each second and minute will take care of itself.
We are in the process of making arrangements still, but our "CELELBRATION OF LIFE" service will be held at 2:00pm on Friday, July 9, 2010 at Hillcrest Church in Medicine Hat, Alberta. We have and will continue to keep this journey as open as possible to share of each one who would want to come share in celebrating Colin's life. We would be honored to have all who desire to come be apart of that day!

To My Beloved, You will be so dearly missed, and you are so deeply loved....my heart has a hole without you by my side...i will do my very best to raise our boys in the full knowledge of Christ and with full understanding of the amazing man their Daddy was. For you this may only be a blink of an eye, but to me, it will feel like an eternity until we meet again. Thank you for the very best years of my life, you have changed me, and now just as you are being made new, it will be my prayer that God will fill and repair my broken heart to somehow, someday restore me as well. You have given me two of the most precious gifts in our boys and each day i wake up, i will see your shining, handsome face in them both. I don't know how to get up yet, to go on, but there are so many here to take care of me and the kids, God is SO good! Be Free, finally be able to just bask in the presence of our God. Kiss His cheek for me, tell Him i will serve Him always and hold close to His promises, but i guess i can do that myself right here, right now. Goodbye my dear sweetie, i love you so so so much!
All my love,
Melissa
ps. if it's ok with all of you, my blogging days are not over, i will continue to share our next chapter of this journey with all of you...if you will allow me. Thank you for all of your support and prayers, i feel them right now, they are what is carrying me through the most difficult days of my life!