Monday, July 5, 2010

My Most Difficult Day

Here i sit, in our bed, all set back up after the hospital beds are already moved out. My True love and my brave sweet beloved is now resting in the loving arms of Our Lord Jesus. Last nite we had a rough go of things, paranoia and anxiety were overtaking him and after about 330am he was completely unresponsive. Nothing but the terrifying sounds of gasps for breath and a shallow pulse. Death is upon us and we, too, were learning along the way, but we both knew the end was near, and so Colin wouldn't let me go too far yesturday....This morning at 1033am, while we were sitting and visiting and laughing around him, Colin's sweet, loving, beautiful spirit went home....Praise God he is now fully restore and he is free from disease and pain. There is this strange but very real peace surrounding me today, this is not a devastating day but a day to rejoice that our healing can finally begin. Colin is completely healed and our prayers have been answered, Thank You Jesus! The only thing he would have wanted is for us all to Praise God for his Heavenly Entrance....and to be happy in remembering him here on earth.
Like so many of you have said before, there are no words, and now in this quiet, peaceful moment, i have no words. Such a mixture of an achy sorrow that i am now left alone, without my love to share my life with, BUT such relief that this chapter has come to an end....i feel guilty, a little bit for those feelings....the rough and bumpy days are ahead of that i'm certain, but i know that God will not let go of me now, not while HE has carried our family through this life so far. I keep remembering to breath, if i can do that simple task, each second and minute will take care of itself.
We are in the process of making arrangements still, but our "CELELBRATION OF LIFE" service will be held at 2:00pm on Friday, July 9, 2010 at Hillcrest Church in Medicine Hat, Alberta. We have and will continue to keep this journey as open as possible to share of each one who would want to come share in celebrating Colin's life. We would be honored to have all who desire to come be apart of that day!

To My Beloved, You will be so dearly missed, and you are so deeply heart has a hole without you by my side...i will do my very best to raise our boys in the full knowledge of Christ and with full understanding of the amazing man their Daddy was. For you this may only be a blink of an eye, but to me, it will feel like an eternity until we meet again. Thank you for the very best years of my life, you have changed me, and now just as you are being made new, it will be my prayer that God will fill and repair my broken heart to somehow, someday restore me as well. You have given me two of the most precious gifts in our boys and each day i wake up, i will see your shining, handsome face in them both. I don't know how to get up yet, to go on, but there are so many here to take care of me and the kids, God is SO good! Be Free, finally be able to just bask in the presence of our God. Kiss His cheek for me, tell Him i will serve Him always and hold close to His promises, but i guess i can do that myself right here, right now. Goodbye my dear sweetie, i love you so so so much!
All my love,
ps. if it's ok with all of you, my blogging days are not over, i will continue to share our next chapter of this journey with all of you...if you will allow me. Thank you for all of your support and prayers, i feel them right now, they are what is carrying me through the most difficult days of my life!


  1. Amazing you are will make it are a strong and amazing person...mother and would be a previlage for you to keep sharing your journey with us all....take care my friend


  2. You do not know me, however I'm sure we may have met as children at family functions by the MHPD. I'm Jack Lemire's daughter. I had heard the news this morning as it was circulating through the department. My deepest sympathies!!

    I cannot express how much my heart aches for you and your family. I have been following your blog and I am in such admiration of your strength and courage throughout this journey. I know that HE has helped you along the way but listening to you blog....YOU have helped me, I know that may sound silly. You are truley an AMAZING wife and and your family are in my thoughts....Colin will ALWAYS be with you. You will see him smiling at you through your children!

  3. So sorry Melissa. Will be thinking of you and all your family. There is comfort... there is peace. "If you could see me now..."


  4. Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss and my heart truly hurts for you and your boys right now.
    One thing I learned in my own journey with grief that I wish to share with you...allow yourself to feel the way you feel. If you feel a moment of relief because Colin is now with Jesus, thank God for that knowledge, thank God for that moment of joy, and don't allow guilt to rob you of that peaceful feeling. God grants us moments of release. Take them, savor them, and allow yourself those moments as you journey through this time of sorrow. And in the moments where that peace is not so easily felt, allow God to carry you then. His arms are strong and sure and always there to hold you.
    You will continue to be in my prayers, as will your sweet boys. Their Daddy was wonderful and I know that he left a great legacy for them, which I know you will do everything in your strength to continue to model in your childrens' lives.
    Many, many blessings on you and your family, Melissa.
    Renee Anderson

  5. Melissa,

    My heart aches for you. To feel relief that Colin's suffering is ended and that a new page has been turned is only normal. For both of you a new sort of life is beginning - Colin's with Jesus, and yours without Colin.

    I'm glad to hear that you will continue to blog. Expressing your thoughts and feelings so honestly is of benefit to you, and to all of us who read it.

    See you on Friday,
    Auntie Lorrie and Uncle Tim

  6. Oh Melissa, I cry for you as I read this, and yet I also believe that Jesus will never let you go. When you feel like you can't pray, or carry on, rest in HIS arms, knowing that so many of us are praying on your behalf- for you and for your children. The Bible says that "he will make everything perfect in His time"- I am so thankful that Colin is now perfect, he is whole and well and praising our Lord Jesus. You will continue to be in my prayers!
    Cheryl Schulz

  7. Melissa, Our prayers will continue to be with You and the Boys, Thanks for sharing your journey with us and for wanting to continue sharing the next chapters in your life with us, You are an amazing woman so strong in your faith, God will carry you through it All!
    In Christ,
    Tracy Bergen

  8. Melissa,
    my heart aches for you. you have shown such courage and strength through this chapter, and as you now enter a new chapter I will continue to pray for you.
    it has been years since i saw Collin at bbc, but i remember him as a friendly, funny, energetic guy. the world's loss is heaven's gain, for sure.
    when a classmate at briercrest passed away, marc martel (downhere) wrote a song and the some of the lyrics say
    "barely 20 he was young, my friend. but his race already run. by his life i'm still inspired, an inextinguishable fire. if we ever understand, it will only be in parts because all the reasons aren't downhere."
    Perhaps, someday, in heaven we will understand why......

    praying for you,
    Melissa Gabrielle-From (A BBC classmate)

  9. oh melissa, our hearts and prayers go out to you, your boys, your family. we've been following your journey on here, as well as through some mutual have been such an inspiration and God is using you so much. thinking of you and praying for you during this time.

    heather pahl

  10. OH missy, my heart is breaking for you but at the sametime I knew you would have peace when this moment came. Colin, you will be missed by so many, and your testamony will live on. Praying as you take care of the boys and the words to say to them. God's carrying you still. I would love to be updated on the next chapter of you life. Love you Michelle

  11. I'm so sorry for your loss Melissa. Our hearts are broken. Colin was an amazing man and we were all blessed to have known him. We will continue to pray for you and your boys.

    Mike Froese

  12. Melissa. My heart is heavy for you today. My thoughts and prayers are for you and the boys.
    Shelley Strobel

  13. Melissa,
    I read this last post through tears as my heart breaks for you and your boys. You have been such an example of strength and faith for me as I read your blogs. I pray you continue to find peace and comfort in knowing that Colin is at rest and no longer in pain. I know you and the boys will miss him greatly. My sincerest sympathy to you and your family. Also, my love to your mom and dad as they share this journey with you.

  14. I look forward to celebrating Colin's life with you Melissa, Corban and Keegan, and your families on Friday.

    Love ya, Marina

  15. Melissa
    Our deepest sympathies to you and your boys. We are upholding you in our prayers. This has and will continue to be a journey for you. We have read your blog faithfully and are amazed and encouraged at your growth and strength throughout the past year. We are praying for peace, strength
    And guidance that can only come from almighty God!
    Much love and prayers,
    Carolynn and Mel Snyder

  16. Melissa,
    I have followed your journey and my heart has ached for you. I pray you will continue to encounter God given strength in the days and adjustments ahead. May you have a great celebration for Colin on Friday!
    Don Adolf

  17. :'(

    We are so incredibly sad for you and your boys Melissa. Thank you for allowing us to go on this journey with you.... what a ministry you have created here through this blog. A few days ago I was thinking, "I REALLY hope that she keeps blogging long after this battle with cancer is over." We will continue to follow the Burritt Adventures as long as you will allow us to.

    It is a relief to know that Colin's suffering is over... but we are saddened that yours is not. We will continue to pray for strength for you and your sweet boys.

    Lots of Love and prayers from TEAM JOHNSTON

  18. Missy,
    As I sit here, tears running down my cheeks, just staring at the last blog entry, I am at a loss for words. My heart feels so heavy for you and your family. I know that God will continue to carry you and give you all you need- each day- each moment, but what a HARD journey. We will continue to follow your writings, pray and be here for you (however that may look). I love you Missy!!!


  19. sheila reinhellerJuly 5, 2010 at 3:48 PM

    Hi Missy, I was up alot last night finding myself praying for you and Colin again. I pray that you felt the prayers of sooooo many as we all sensed the end was near. We wouldn't wish him back, now that he is free from pain, even though we already miss him and will miss him everytime we see you and your sweet boys. God does have a plan so just trust and obey his word and his lead. We love you and want to send hugs and kisses to all. May God be very near to you all. Deepest Sympathy to your and yours.

  20. You don't know me, but I have been following your blogs. I am a dispatcher at MHPS. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    My thoughts & prayers are with you, your children and the rest of your family.

    Kelly MacDougall & Family

  21. Melissa,
    Thank you so much for taking the time to let us know how you're feeling now in your darkest hour. We celebrate with you because Colin's suffering is over, and I'm crying for you as well...
    Eli said 2 things when we told him about Colin passing away this afternoon... 1. That you'll see him again and we should praise the Lord for that... and 2. That Corban still has a Father, his Heavenly Father, to love him up and make him feel better. Out of the mouths of babes...
    Our prayers are with you... You're in our thoughts constantly. We love you and respect you more than you know.
    Oh Lord God, please comfort Missy and the boys, and the rest of the family too. Thank You for sparing Colin any more pain and suffering and thank You that his family was able to be right there with him when Colin went to be with You. We praise You for Your promises... That joy comes with the morning and that You provide a peace that passes all understanding. Please carry them through these days. Thank You for the woman, wife & mother that Missy is and thank You for the strength that you've given her in this last year. We love You Lord Jesus... Amen.

  22. Oh Melissa, the tears are just flowing right now as I read this last entry. I can't imagine the gamut of emotions you must be going through. You have so impressed me with the depth of your trust in our Heavenly Father and the openness that you have shared in your blog. We pray for the comfort and peace that only God can give to surround you and your boys during this tough time ahead. Big hugs to you! Love, Naomi & Mark (& Erik, Ryan & Morgan)

  23. Melissa, I am amazed at your faithfulness throughout this difficult year. Sending sympathy to you and your family.
    Linda Engel

  24. What a celebration Heaven must have had when they welcomed Colin!! We will keep praying for you Melissa. You have been such an encouragement during this journey, and I know God will bless you for your faithfulness.

    ~The Coote's

  25. you are an inspiring person to so many... in the near days I hope to meet you & share with you the journey you are about to embark on! God Bless you, many prayers fill my heart for you.

    With Grace, Alexa Appell

  26. You are such a beatiful woman of God Missy! I am in awe of your grace, strength and understanding of God's pefect plan. You amaze me!

    So much love,
    Jessica Bothwell

  27. melissa you are truly an inspration to all of us as colin is and always will be. i sit here alone as my wife tammy is in Calgary with our kids and the tears wont stop i so wanted to see Colin before this day came. Colin, Melissa, and your 2 wonderful boys, you will always be in my heart.Heaven just got that much better with Colin there..Brian

  28. Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not seen Colin since high school but have been following your journey for a while now. My heart aches for your loss. You are an amazing, inspiring person and I'm sure Colin is so proud of you. You and your boys will always be in our prayers.
    Barb Gieselman

  29. Missy and Boys... our prayers are with you as well. The way that you and COlin in his final moments have clung to the Father,... it has been so very encouraging and in fact inspiring. It has helped us reflect on the blessing that Colin has been in our lives and so many others, and to celebrate now that He is with his Father. So please continue to encourage and inspire with your words, the Lord is using you in your moments of greatest need!

    Barret and Bridget Kropf

  30. Missy,

    We weep with you, we ache with you, and we grieve with you. Yes, Colin is in a better place- free of pain and discomfort- but now you are the one who I'm sure is feeling part of this pain. I pray that God takes this away from you, you have such an army of people behind you supporting you! Cry, laugh, hug and remember. Love those two precious gems that Colin left you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days.

    What a fun day Heaven would be today! Enjoy it Colin- rest easy, your race is won!

  31. Praise God that Colin is free of pain. You and the boys will still be in my prayers as you face a new set of challenges. Please please if you ever need anything (groceries, a playdate, a babysitter or anything) and don't feel like going out please call me 403 504 6034.
    praying faithfully
    Michelle Isaak
    Psalm 62:1-2

  32. Melissa, To you and your family we offer our heartfelt sympathy with a prayer that now Colin is truly free of his pain and with Jesus.
    For you and your boys we pray that you will forge ahead stronger in knowing that Colin's pain has past and peace is finally with him. Colin and you have been so strong throughout this ordeal and you are admired for your continuance in your faith. We will always be here for you should you need support in your ways.Jim and Carol Whitney

  33. hey Missy....thank you for allowing Catherine and I to take part in your story. We love reading your blog as it has allowed us to feel like we were there with you. We can't believe your heart and perspective through the last few months. You and Colin are mighty for eachother and the Kingdom. Colin is with Jesus and what a scary and beautiful thought that is. As a father of two young children myself, your blog has reminded me in the deepest way to constantly show my children Godly and fatherly charactoristics. Please know that your family's struggle with sickness and death has blessed my family in ways that only God can do. I want to hug my kids because Colin could do it even when he was hurting and in pain. Colin was such a rock, a true man of God. His legacy will never end just as he will never end. I hope this note helps to show you how important you two are to everyone out there. Love you and your family.
    Matt & Catherine Gladwin

  34. Missy. I am SO sorry for your loss. Thank you for being so brave and letting us read your journey. My heart aches for you and the boys- I speak the peace of God to your very soul- to the deepest part of your being, may His peace be your anchor.
    For your entire family and especially you and your sons we will pray for peace everlasting.

    Katie Leonard-Smith

  35. Psalms 34:18
    My husband knew Colin through business and we are deeply sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your boys for comfort and peace.
    Nelson & Joella Belsher

  36. Melissa, Corbin and Keegan, I wish I would have had the opportunity to meet Colin, but feel I know him so well after following your blog. Please, please continue to write. I guess what is most difficult is to understand why God chose Colin to call home. They say God presents certain challenges to people that He knows can handle the situation. We may never understand how He makes those choices. You have gone above and beyond--and your faith is SO strong, and you have been such an inspiration to us. Let us be an inspiration to you as we continue to pray and read about the next chapter in your lives.
    Love, Coni Christo

  37. Dear Missy,

    There are not many words to say at this time, but I want you to know you are continually in our thoughts and prayers. The Holy Spirit is such a comforter and we pray that He wraps himself around you and your boys and gives you continual peace and rest.

    It would be wonderful to read whatever you have to say, for no matter for how long you want to keep writing. Your faith in Jesus is so amazing and you give me strength as well.

    Know that you and your boys are cared about.
    We can rejoice at the thought that Jesus has taken away all of Colin's earthly pain and given him a new body and that is in Heaven with his Saviour.

    Much Love,

    Tabitha & Dennis Maljaars

  38. Melissa, I don't know you...we have never met. I found your blog through a random chain of events. I became a widow at the age of 26...almost 8 years ago now. All I can say to you is that I am praying for you and God will give a peace that passes all understand. He is an AWESOME God. And finally grieve in the way that suits you!! If you feel like laughing your head off at 3 in the morning then do it. Do what is best for you and your children. Blesses on you, your children and your broken hearts.

  39. Melissa,
    There are so many words that come to my mind when I think of you. Amazing, courageous, faithful, devoted, honest, and selfless are just some of them. You are an inspiration to so many and a role model for all mothers and wives. Your faith and trust in God is extraordinary and you have a wonderful gift of words. You have shown me how great our God is and how to surrender to him and trust him fully. I have been thinking about those days we spent together years ago at the golf course. You and Colin were so happy and so much in love with each other and the Lord. Thank-you for sharing your thoughts with us all in this most difficult time. We will be praying continually for your peace as you move forward in the days, weeks, and months to come. Please do not hesitate to ask for anything. Love, Amanda and Craig Finke

  40. Our deepest sympathy goes out to you and your boys....... we have been keeping up with your Grandma Clara as well as your blog...... words escape me, but I do know God is good and Colin and you have been an amazing inspiration to us all......Cliff & Judy Ginn

  41. So saddened to read this post, but so relieved that Colin has been restored and welcomed into the loving arms of our heavenly father - "I can only imagine"!
    May God continue to surround you with his calming presence and mend your broken heart.
    Your journey has been a hard one, and you have both been an inspiration to myself, and my husband. We so appreciate your sharing this with us, and your willingness to continue to allow us follow you and pray for you as you continue your journey.
    Life is sometimes hard to understand, but in HIM we trust - he is faithful, patient and present always. He knows all, and as you have often said in your posts - He goes before us. We are never alone in our struggles.

    We will continue to uphold you in our prayers.
    Christian Love,
    ~Amy, and family.

  42. Melissa,
    We are so sorry for your loss. Your family has been in our thoughts and prayers. Our prayer now is that you and the boys will feel God in a new more powerful way as you walk this road.
    Grant & Rebecca Boyd

  43. Melissa -
    What an encouragement you have been to me and to so many others. Thank you for allowing God to use you through this unbelievably difficult situation to share with others what it means to walk with Him by your side. You are an amazing witness for Him - amidst the trauma. Your commitment to raise your boys to know the importance of a relationship with their Heavenly Father attests to the faith that you and Colin both so beautifully shared. You are loved, my friend, and will continue to be in my prayers. Luv ya, Vide

  44. To hear you express your very heart has been such an encouragement, so strengthening of my simple faith in a God that carries you through every season! I was saying to my mother-in-law (Colin's moms 2nd cousin) how ironic it will be for Reg, who babysat Colin as a small boy, to now stand as part of the Honor Guard for his Celebration of complete healing. We will be there, praying for you, marveling at the faithfulness of God, and continuing to remember you in the days ahead! And please don't quit writing. It has been an addition to my devotional time that I would miss
    Love with all of Christs love in me

    Kim Friesen

  45. 'Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.'

    Psalm 116:15

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  48. Colin has his answer and I'm jealous.

    Sitting with him in his bed when we were there I must have whispered the question "Why is this God's plan?" Colin looked at me with the twinkle in his eye and said,"I'll ask Him. I get my answer first". He had his sense of humor even in the pain.

    I love you Colin, I'll miss you so much. The pain is gone and we will see you again. You are living more now than ever before!

    Melissa, we love you and will help do anything you need. Anytime, anyplace. We are always family.

  49. So Sad to hear the news, but So Happy Colin is in No More Pain! The hardest part is the loved ones left behind! We are praying steady for you Missy and your boys! God Is your Strength during this time and we pray you Rest in His Peace! We are here if you need anything!! Love you,

  50. Our Lord is an awesome God! Melissa he will look after you and your boys and Colin is looking down watching over you all! I lost my husband when my kids were 3 and 4 yrs old and God has taken care of us! Our faith is strong and God is there for us all! You are in our thoughts and prayers and Colin is at Peace now!

  51. How fortunate we are that in our hearts we keep forever the memories of those we love and the time we shared together. So sorry for your loss. 2 Samuel 22:2,3. Thanks so much for updating your blogpage. Henny R.

  52. It is with a heavy heart that I read of Colin's passing because I know how much you and your boys will miss him BUT what a joy it is to know that he is no longer in pain!! The Bible says "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" It sounds to me like you both live Christ and some day you too will gain, Melissa! In the meantime I know God will help you as you raise your boys and you trust and rely upon HIM! I am glad to hear that you plan to keep up with your blog. It will be good to hear how you are doing as I continue to pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing thus far. You and Colin have been wonderful wonderful witnesses for our LORD! I praise God for you! I know the coming days will be hard but I trust you too will feel Jesus' loving arms around you just as you picture Colin resting in HIS arms. What a peaceful smile must be on his face! We will be thinking of you and praying for you in the days to come. D.& D. Coote ~Nova Scotia~

  53. It is inexplainable the mighty woman of God you are and have continued to be throughout this journey. As i recently started reading this blog it has become more evident to me the Awesome God we serve each day.I stumbled upon your entries of this faith provoking journey by a mutual friend we share. We continue to pray for you and your little boys daily. I believe the Lord has given you and your little ones the most supernatural strength to get through this with Christ alone. I stand in awe of your journey and i am without words to explain how much you have changed the word "love" for me. Melissa, my prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family and i will continue to pray for each of you as you endeavor new challenges throughout life's moments. I ask that the Lord will encase you in His arms and that your boys will always remember the Love of their earthly Father and Cling to the Love of their heavenly one. Melissa for you i pray Peace,that you would allow the sun on your face to shine brightly and you bask in His Glory once again. I also pray that you are so surrounded by much love with those who are closest to you near and far away. Rest your head and allow the Lord to Fill your cup once again and know His deep love and affection for you and your boys.
    Thankyou for allowing each one of us to read your beautiful and inspiring journal entries. I believe that you are His hands and feet and the words you write about your Love story with Colin is one that expresses Christs Love in the most incredible ways.

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  55. We all send our very deepest sympathies to you Melissa as well as your boys and both families! You will all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Colin will be soo missed but oh the celebration that must be going on in heaven today, we could never wish him back from that . Praise God that he is whole and healthy and painfree! We love you Melissa and know that time will heal your broken heart!
    Sheldon and Kelly

  56. I was up last night praying that Colin would be released from all this pain that was upon him and to come, that if this was his time to go see Jesus that he would be able to go quickly before the pain increased. Such a blessing that Colin is pain free, and made brand new, experiencing joy beyond our wildest dreams! What a wonderful party in Heaven today! So sorry for you Missy to have to continue in this journey without him...We just pray that God wraps you and the boys up and pours over you comfort and peace that only He can give. We are very sorry we will be unable to attend your celebration on Friday. We are not in Medicine Hat right now. but know we will be praying for you ALWAYS! Give Corban a great big hug from each of my boys as they all love him dearly. Your lives have reached and touched more that you will ever know. What a courageous woman of FAITH you are! What an incredible witness of a great and amazing and loving GOD to all who don't know HIM!
    Love always

  57. I know you will continue your journey with the same faithfulness you have always had. You are an amazing person Melissa. I love your soul. I hope that through these next weeks you will find comfort, I pray that you will find courage to begin this next chapter.

  58. Colin has run the race, and won the Crown. Praise the Lord! The strength, courage, love and faith portrayed by your entire family during this course has been an inspiration for me and my family. May God continue to comfort and guide you in your time of need.


  59. Dear Melissa & family,
    We are members of Hillcrest & I've been reading your blog for a number of months. I've been inspired by you & Colin time & time again but lately, as this journey has become so challenging for you, I've struggled to find words to somehow inspire you too. I still don't have any so I'm just going to say "ditto" to Denise T's comment! Our sympathy & blessings to all of you. Coleen (& Stewart) Boxell

  60. Melissa,
    The Spirit flows through you as you write and share your heart. Thank you so much for sharing. Through sharing you have brought me to my knees. And as I am there I will be praying for you and your boys. Keep fighting the good fight, for the light of Christ shines through you!

  61. reading your blog brings tears to my eyes. I am truly sorry for your loss. I went to college with Colin's brother Kris, and my husband played clippers hockey with Colin. We are so happy he is in no more pain and living with our Lord, and we too will be praying for you and your family. Keep strong! Debbie

  62. Missy,
    It is always with mixed emotions that we journey through something like this. It is with joyful hearts that we have the Good News to cling to as Colin is home with our Lord and has been given a new body in Christ. It is with sad hearts that we have to say goodbye to a friend. You & Colin have been a blessing for both of us to read your writings and hear what is on your hearts throughout this journey. We will keep you and your boys in our prayers and we anticipate the day that we all get to reunite with Colin. We look forward to updates on the journey & healing to come for you & the boys!
    With love & prayers,
    Ben & Kristen

  63. all our best Missy. You have been so brave and courageous through this all. We are of course deeply saddened, but relieved to know Colin is no longer in pain, and is in the presence of God.

    -Dave & Karm

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  65. Wishing you a peaceful and restful night.

    Hugs and God Bless,


  66. We send our deepest sympathy for you, your boys and your families, as you now embark on life's journey without Colin. You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers, especially in the days ahead. Its so evident of the beautiful soul you have, Melissa, and when you are ready, we would be honored to continue following your blog as you allow us to be a part of the next journey God has for you and your boys. Its inspiring seeing Jesus radiate so brightly in you, despite your darkest hour, and we know that God will continue to use your words as a ministry to change the world for His glory! You and Colin have already done so much for the Kingdom, and will continue to be used, and as you celebrate Colin's homecoming, and yet, grieve the void he leaves behind, we pray you feel the love and support from near and far. We band together and pray you find peace, comfort and strength, as you move forward and mend your broken heart, and also as you help your boys work through their heart ache and questions. Thank you for inspiring and challenging growth in our lives, amidst your pain and trials. Our love and prayers for you and your loved ones...
    Brent & Ria Wiens

  67. I'm sorry.

  68. Grace and peace. You are not alone.

    The Knodels

  69. Missy - wow how I am so deeply moved by this entire experience and journey you have endeavored on. I have no words to tell u I am sorry for your loss that would be adequate....Colin was a wonderful man and I am so privilaged to have become a part of your lives. The pain and suffering is over for Colin, thank God for that, and now we pray for your recovery and ability to rebuild your life for both you and your beautiful boys. We will be there in honor of Colin on Friday and would not miss the celebration of his life. Take care until love. Much love always - Shanda & Will

  70. So sorry for your immense loss...I am sending out many prayers for you.

    A sister in Christ

  71. Missy

    My deepest sympathy to you and your families.

    You are a great inspiration to so many people.

    Thank you once again for sharing this journey with me. I feel blessed to have known, and worked with Colin. I will be there to follow you with the next chapter of this journey. ♥♥

    Holly Scahill

  72. My heart is with you today Missy. You are such a strong woman, I don't know how you do it. Your boys are so lucky to have you as their mother. I will be thinking of you all as you start this next part of your journey and I will send you all the hope and love and strength that I can. I will be honored to attend Friday's celebration of life in memory of Colin and in support of you and your boys.

    Thank you again for sharing your heart with all of us.

    Nicki Engel

  73. Our prayers and thoughts are with you, Missy, and your boys. We are very sad for your loss but is a joy to know that Colin is in heaven with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that we will reunite again with him someday.

    ~Bruce, Rebekah, and Kailee Klassen

  74. Missy.
    Our hearts are heavy for you and the boys. We have cried with you through your blogging. You are a true warrior. A beautiful, courageous and strong woman of God. An inspiration to every single person who knows you and reads this blog. We are praying and will continue to pray for you, the boys and your families.
    Corey & Sarah.

  75. Melissa,

    Your courage to have Colin pass with you and yours is an inspiration. You allowed him a dignity many don't have in their final days. As my family struggled to understand, I told them that Colin would take his last breath at home with family and I think we all take comfort in that.

    Joe and Cindy West

  76. As I have followed your blog I have been reminded of my journey as Dallas fought cancer. At times the pain has been so deep for me as I have prayed for you wishing you didn't have to go through this. My heart is broken. I am encouraged by the strength God has given you. He will continue to walk with you every step of the way as you begin your 'new normal'. I will continue to cover you & your families in prayer.


  77. Melissa, my name is becky armstrong, I went to BBC with you and Colin. I am amazed by your story. Though I don't know you well, I am touched and encouraged in my faith by reading your blog. What spoke to me most today was you saying that your prayers had been answered and Colin is healed. Indeed he is!! I have recently struggled with many health issues, and during this time I have lost my faith in prayer. I could not pray for myself anymore, I would coldly ask others to do what I could not do with any true faith. For along time I have refused to pray for myself b/c I was tired of the seemingly unanswered prayers. You and Colin's faith during such a long hard journey has softened that hard spot in my heart towards prayer and healing. Thank you for sharing your most vulnerable moments with us. You have made an impact on many lives.
    Praying for you and your boys.

  78. Melissa..My eyes are full of tears as I write. I am so sad to hear of Colin's passing. Your strength in being able to write at all amazes me. But you are a strong woman determined to keep your faith and carry on with your precious little boys. I wish you peace this night.
    I look forward to continuing to read your blog.
    My heart is with you,

  79. You do not know us but we are friends of Natalie's family, and have been following your blog this past week. I went back and read your posts that you shared with everyone in the past year and shed many tears. It has been a tough journey, filled with many bittersweet moments. I am sorry to hear that a chapter has ended for your family and a new one begins. I have admired your strength in your postings and know that you draw on the stength of the prayers that your family and friends pray on your behalf. Your husband was obviously a strong christian husband and father, and has left a wonderful legacy of faith for you all.
    We will be praying for you as you face the days ahead. Hold on to the many memories you have made...they will get you through the tough days.
    Ron and Cindy Mathies, Herbert

  80. Colin's story has touched so many - all across the nation. Thanks to both of you for the excellent testimony. I wish I could have worked with him - I know he would have been a great officer!! We are praying.
    Isaiah 41:10 & 13 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. ... For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

  81. Hi Missy. It has been a long time since we last spoke at BBC. I learned of Colin's passing through Dave Cunning. I am so sorry for all the fighting you and the family have been through and now for the loss. My heart goes out to you and your little ones. While I agree there are no words, I wish you strength and courage. May the Lord bless you and keep you. I have no doubt that He will give you wisdom and love through this hardship and any that are yet to come. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Your old RA, Thera
    Psalm 27

  82. Melissa, Corban, Keegan, Sue, Glen, Colin's parents and siblings....God will use us, His children,to take care of you, to grieve with you, to cry with you, to laugh with you, to hug you, to wipe away your tears and to hold you up to His Almighty Arms...
    Melissa Waechter

  83. Oh Missy my heart is with you and your family. You are right, for now, just breathe in and breathe out. Later will come just one step and then another, but for now just breathe. God has a wonderful way of giving us a peace when it passes all understanding. Never feel guilty for that for that is when I truly believe He is carrying us and He will carry you for as long as you need. I too rejoice with you that Colin is healed. At about 4:45 am Monday morning I awoke and sat up like a bolt gasping almost for air. I said it is not too late I must pray for Colin's healing. God told me Colin was getting his healing today but not on heaven. I said Lord has he passed and He said not yet but soon. We have such an amazing God that brings this family of believers together and I don't know why I was privileged to have been given that insight from the Lord but I am thankful for the honour of having prayed for Colin in his last hours. When Lorne passed away I was given a vision of him in heaven and oh what a glorious moment that was. I stand in awe of how you have walked so faithfully through this. I want you to know you will be okay Melissa. Hang on to that in rocky moments. Just let the Spirit wash over you with the promise that everything will be okay....different than before but okay. Grieve the way that you need to....grieving is personal and don't rush it. Take your time....steps you need to take you will know when the time is right. I will be honest, I still have a bag in my room of the clothes Lorne wore for the very last time. Some say I need to part with it. I say I will in my time...God's time. I love you and those precious boys so much. In the days to come if you ever need to talk please know I am here for you day or night. Lorne will always be in my heart and you don't get over just learn how to live on without them. Our relationship has just changed from one that is living to one that is in my heart. In time sweet girl your heart will heal and don't be afraid to allow that. It doesn't mean you will forget it just means you will be able to remember with sweet sweet memories. Love you so much. It is an honour to say I know such a strong and faithful woman of God. Remember...let others take care of you in your time of's okay to not be strong all the time. Yvonne Kreiser

  84. Missy,

    I don't know if you remember me but you and Andy were counselors out at Whispering Pines when I was a kid. I'm Kerry and Renae Buss's daughter so I have been keeping up with your blogs and my mom's updates. You need to know that you are an inspiration and I know that your blog hasn't just touched me- it has touched so many. I pray God's richest comfort around you and your boys in the days ahead. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your journey with us has humbled and inspired me and I know that I am not alone.

    Praying for you,

    Jessilyn Swanson (Buss)

  85. Melissa, As many have shared, you and Colin have inspired so many through your posts. As I read the messages I see that God is working in the hearts of readers and giving courage to go on in some cases. But right now you need our prayers and love. Be assured you and your sweet boys are in our prayers. Love, Jeanne

  86. My heart is heavy for you and your family Melissa. I learned of your courageous team from a friend. I admire you so much - you are an awesome child of God's.

  87. Melissa,

    I only knew Colin for a very short time, but he touched my life with his strength. You are an amazing person, and know that you and the boys are in our prayers. May you find peace in the days ahead.

    Carole Mickey
    Lethbridge College

  88. you don't know me, but a few of my friends had the privledge of knowing you and colin. you are such a strong woman, and although the days and road ahead are going to be some of the hardest you've ever experienced, rest easy in the arms of the Lord! "come to me, all you are weary, and i will give you rest"
    i will be praying for you and your family in the days to come!

  89. Schiebelbein FamilyJuly 6, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    Hello Melissa,
    Like many on here - we have not met, but my husband SGT. Jason Schiebelbein has kept me up to date on Colin's journey.

    We, as a family have prayed for you and your family. And although in the end this journey did not turn out how we wanted it, the Lord did answer our prayers for healing and peace.

    You are a very inspiring woman, and I have cried more than once reading this blog. I feel like I have had an opportunity to get to know you, Colin & the boys through this blog, and I THANK YOU for being so willing to share that with us.

    I hope one day to meet you and your sons. SO that I may learn to be as gracious as you are.
    In the meantime, I shall be at Hillcrest on Friday to CELEBRATE Colin!
    He has touched so many people. YOU have touched so many people!

    God Bless you & the boys,
    Natasha Schiebelbein

  90. Both in my early childhood as well as in my teenage years the dark shadows of death brought heartaches to our home. One thing I can say with certainty, God does keep his promise of turning trials and tears into triumph. The pain of death shaped me, for the good. This God of promise in Jesus Christ is yours. We will continue to pray for you, Melissa.

    Jaap and Morina

  91. Dear Melissa,
    It is so difficult to put our thoughts into words.
    Our hearts ache for you and your family and for what you have and are going through. You are an amazing woman of God, a light in this world. You have touched so many hearts in such a remarkable way...ours included. Please know you and your family have been in our prayers and we will continue to pray for you.
    May God bless you and comfort you, let Him wrap his arms around you and your little ones and may you feel a sense of peace that only God can provide.
    With heartfelt sadness and much love
    Tom and Cindy Heringer and family

  92. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. you are a strong and amazing woman and your faith will get you thru each and every day!! you are an inspiration to many. Much Love...

  93. Stephanie McNeilJuly 6, 2010 at 10:01 AM

    I am sorry for your loss but something that has kept me going through all my hard times in my life is that I know God never gives us more than what we can handle. You will make it. I am sure having been with him and touched by him has made you the person you are. He will always be with you he hasn't left you, he is just now in a world without pain. God had a duty for him to fufill and you will be together again when God decides the time is right. You all hold a part of him with you for now and always.

  94. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. You are a strong woman with an even stronger God by your side; you have gone through a lot in the last in His arms. Thank you for being so real and open in sharing your thoughts and's a challenge to all of us who have read them to be more thankful, more loving, to live a life honoring our Father. You and Colin have lived that life...and I know you will continue to live that life! His memory will forever be in your heart.

    love and prayers,
    Dan and Taneill Selinger and family

  95. I don't think I know you Melissa, but we went to BBC the same year. I was friends with a lot of Colins friends and was shocked to hear of his passing. My heart is aching for you and your two young children but know that you are in my constant thoughts and prayers. Your blog has been an inspiration to me and reading your words I know that you have a true passion for Christ. May you rest in His loving arms during this difficult time.

  96. God's Grace Is Sufficient for you and your boys, I too have tears rolling down my cheeks. I only know you all through a friend of yours, but will continue to pray for you. Please keep writing as it brings the Body of Christ together and that's powerful. In Him Always, Dave and Joan Styles (Adam Slaters In-Laws)

  97. I am so sorry to hear of your loss Colin was a very nice guy i remember him from highschool. Always a nice smile and never really a bad thing to say. Im at a loss for words cause younever expect such a young good person to go this early. I wish your familly all the love that he would have given you if he had lived out a much longer life. But your lucky in one way cause now you and your beautiful boy will always have someone watching out for you.
    Love and Hugs
    Vanessa Oakley and Autumn Campbell

  98. Dear Missy...
    My heart is with you... My prayers continue for you and your little ones. May the love and peace and strength of our Lord be with you and continue to carry you.
    Love and Hugs,

  99. Missy,
    my heart aches for you and your boys, Gods Love and Peace is beyond this worlds understanding, which is awesome. I pray for complete healing in your and your boys life, and God will guide your every step and direction in the days to come. God must have an amazing plan in your life, because your story has already touched so many, but for now just sit and rest(take some time for you) in His presence and know that He is God and will take care of every need. Allow Jesus to completely fill that empty void!
    love you lots
    lots of hugs and tears
    Amber Aaron Owen and Leif Davidson

  100. Missy, Corban & Keegan,

    Sending you our love and prayers. I pray that you will find peace in our Sweet Saviour -the same hands that are now holding Colin are holding you guys too! Colin's life was a beautiful story of God's faithfulness, and his strength and trust in God will live on and continue to touch people for a very long time!

    We are so very very sad and sorry that this had to happen. Colin will be missed. We love you.

    Chandy, Kurtis and Family

  101. We prayed for more time for you, and now we pray for peace and hope and courage and strength as you face the days, weeks, months ahead with the help Jesus. What a faithful Lord we have.

  102. Missy and the Boys,

    We are of course grief stricken by loss of Colin but rejoicing in his wholeness once more. We are sad for the space he leaves here on earth but joyful because of his place at the Father's table. We mourn with you and your boys to lose such a wonderful man and we praise God for the wonderful man that he was and the influence his memory and the life he lead will have over his sons in the years to come. And if we are feel the tug of so many different emotions at our hearts I can only imagine the roller coaster within you. Remember that He said "Be still and know that I am God" and I would also say remember that "being still" doesn't always have to mean being calm, happy, content or at peace. He meets us in our tears and in our screams as much as in our laughter. I know that our Father is crying with you and holding you all in the plam of His hand and I know that he is also smiling down on you and saying 'This amazing woman, with her strength and her faith and her grief, is MY Child and I LOVE HER!'
    Katie and Travis Orr

  103. I wrote already But did not share something with you!
    Monday Morning at about 9:00am I woke up and God was telling me "Pray For Missy and the Boys, Pray for Missy and the Boys...NOW", So that I did Pray Pray Pray, To find out later that day he went to be with Our Lord Jesus around 10:30am.
    You will be carried by God through your Family in Christ by Prayers, I know you know that, But its neat to see how God puts it on our Hearts to pray at the times you need it most, because, GOD knows and uses the Body of Christ to pray for You and the Family!!! What an amazing God We serve!
    Tracy Bergen-Chilliwack BC

  104. Dear Melissa,

    We do not suffer as those who have no hope. I see that a random visitor to the blog wrote earlier today that "it sucks that you lost your husband, but jesus does not exist". That person is not only rude, but also very wrong! Jesus exists and Colin is with him in heaven, fully restored, fully known, delighting in the presence of God. Jesus exists here too, on earth, in us, his body. You are held in grace because believers across this country are praying for you and loving you with the very love of God.

    Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German theologian who was executed by the Nazi's wrote the following words: "Those who enter into discipleship enter into Jesus' death. They turn their living into dying; such has been the case from the very beginning. The cross is not the terrible end of a pious, happy life. Instead, it stands at the beginning of community with Jesus Christ. Whenever Christ calls us, his call leads us to death." (Discipleship, p.87)

    Colin lived this out beautifully over the last year, and his witness stands as a faithful testimony to the gracious dying-to-self (to make room for God) that discipleship requires of Christians. I think your witness is the harder path, because you must continue to be a disciple here on earth in the midst of great suffering and loss. Still, there is such deep, deep healing in clinging to the cross. Melissa, you are imitating Christ, and this leads not only to death, but also to the resurrection, and also to glory in the life to come.

    I am holding you in prayer, and wishing I could hug you in person. Both Jeff and I are out of the province and won't be able to attend the celebration of Colin's life on Friday, but we will be praying, and I hope you'll blog about it, as you are able.

    So much love to you -
    Lisa and Jeff

  105. Thinking of you and your precious little men Melissa! And, continuing to pray that the Lord holds you sooooo very close in His arms as you walk thru a valley not of your choice! All of your families are in our thoughts and prayers at this time too! Can you please get Darlene to give you a huge hug from us and give her one back.

    hugs and love - Joan and Larry Ballantyne

  106. I don't know you, or your family, but my cousin Amanda Knodel joined the blog, so I thought that I would read. I have been so touched by your heart aches for you. I pray that God will hold you close and give you a peace beyond all understanding.

    Stephanie MacDonald

  107. Dear Melissa,

    I am so sorry that you are now walking this path I watched my own sister walk 13 years ago. Words can't express the ache I have in my heart for you and your boys as you now enter a new reality. You are very brave and I am honored to be a follower of your blog, a fellow Believer and a prayer supporter of you and your family.

    I pray that you will continue to have the strength to write your true thoughts, emotions and feelings on your blog. They will bring healing for you and the many of us who are praying for you. Please don't be afraid to be brutally honest as you write - allow yourself to experience all the emotions you will feel over the next days, weeks, months and years. They will help you and those of us who read your blog and lift you in prayer as well.

    I am continuing to pray for you and you boys as you prepare for Friday's service and life following Friday.

    May you feel Christ's love and arms today,
    Lori De Witt

  108. I am so sorry what happened to Colin. We will be praying for you.
    Melanie Gechter

  109. Love you so much Melissa! Wish I could be there to give you guys the biggest hug...but know that you and the boys are on my heart and in my prayers throughout the day.


  110. But your lucky in one way cause now you and your beautiful (boys) will always have someone watching out for you.

    Sorry had to fix that mistake cause i know you have two beautiful boys not one :O)
    Vanessa Oakley and Autumn Campbell

  111. Melissa, I do not know you and Colin personaly, but by hearing everyone talk about him, he sounds like an amazing man. I am very sorry for your loss. I had a person very close to me pass away from breast cancer when I was eleven. She was like a mother to me in so many ways, and when I had heard that she had passed a smile came to my face that I couldn't stop because I was so relieved that she and her daughter who was my best friend would not have to suffer through more tests and more worry. I cannot imagine how you feel but I do understand your peace with Colins passing. I had to read your blog because Holly from totem said how moving it was. And she was so right. You sound like an amazing and strong women. I wish you and your boys all the best. And may your next journey in life be filled with joy and happiness.