Well, i am afraid that in this new phase of our journey, i might bore some of you. It's a little refreshing that i don't have to report any new and detrimental state of Colin's health. HE IS HEALED!!! Again, i keep having to remind myself that he is no longer in pain and agony, but guarunteed to be playing some sort of heavenly rendition of an earthly sport he so loved! I find so much peace in knowing he must be having the best time up there being able to be free from all of the earhtly hassle that surrounded him in his last year. Honestly, the last couple days have been pretty relaxed and worry free for me and the boys as well. Today Corban, Keegan and I were altogether in the pool for a time, then had a good little cuddle on a big beach blanket out in our backyard, the simplicity in our life right now is the most refreshing thing...it makes me smile because i just keep thinking of how extatic Colin would be with how simple we are being. Our whole married life was full of simple...something we both loved, it didn't take much to make either one of us happy, as long as we were together, just loving being together. I miss him, but it's so strange that i don't feel devastated....i love him so desperately, but i wanted so much for him to be free from his pain and his battle....it's kinda like i carried his burden in a totally different way, having to watch him suffer and be able to do so little to relieve it or make it better. It fills my heart with so much JOY to know he is restored in heaven...JOY being my operative word...in my mind the definition of joy is not happiness, but a relief in so much sorrow...this mix of bitter and sweet...kinda like when Jesus died on the cross for my sin...makes me so incredibly grateful that HE would save me from an eternity of pain and suffering in hell and take me to be with HIM in the heavenly beauty that is to come..BUT HE had to suffer such terrible pain that can't even be expressed to get me there....Hmmmmm, there are no words, just JOY that HE would think of me, and you, and want to save US!
It will all continue to take time, but I am still being carried by God Himself and i am so grateful to so many who are praying on our behalf..Thank you again, and again, and a thousand times over, How God works in and through people and situations truly amazes me!
Today was a good day, and i guess tomorrow..we will decide what kind of day tomorrow is when it gets here!
Sweet Dreams!
Love, Melissa
Simple and boring are wonderful things!!!!!! enjoy your time....thinking and praying for you often.....live...laugh...love
ReplyDeleteTo the world Melissa you are doing the most amazing thing - you are getting through! Simple and boring is a blessing! Everyday is a blessing. Every breath, every step, every tear, every memory - you have showed us God's grace, and you have truely felt it. You are an amazing woman and you continue to inspire. I have no idea what to expect when I get to heaven, but I hope to meet Colin and shake his hand and tell him thank you. And if ever our paths cross on this earth I wish to thank you as well. You will never know how you have touched my life. Your strength and your journey have helped to put my christian walk back on track, of course I walk in heels :) so I still stumble, but as soon as I log on I am grounded and thankful and I always say a prayer for you, and your boys.
ReplyDeleteGod has used Colin to save so many, including me.
Thank you for allowing us to continue to follow your journey, you have truely been a blessing.
Dear Melissa:
ReplyDeleteI think of you and the boys, and Colin, often throughout my day! As I have said so many times in this blog, I am truly inspired by your grace and dignity. It is so good to hear that you and the boys are having "fun", something that all three of you deserve, in spades.
All my love,
Aunt Debbie
Thank you for continuing with such grace and simplicity...you are such an amazing woman. Your faith just shines through this all....I have been continually softened by your story...God works in such amazing ways! Your family is always on my heart and mind.
ReplyDeleteKB
Thinking of you and the boys... we are here if you need us
ReplyDeletexoxo
Chelsey Welwood
Melissa,you don't know me or my wife but we live 2 houses down from you (towards the corner). I first off want to express my sympathies to you and your kids and also the rest of your extended family. I want to tell you that I am so glad to hear you are having good days with your kids and enjoying every last moment treasuring all of Colin's memories with them. I also want to let you know that things will continue to get better each and every day. My wife and I lost our first child just hours after birth and as you have mentioned before that you could never see yourself having to plan Colin's funeral at such an early age, we can relate. We also felt the same way, how was it that we were having to deal with the death of our son, a parent should never have to bury their child. Anyways, as each day passed, we did start having good days again and even great days. We continue to and always will treasure the short time we had with Nicholas just as you will with Colin. Best wishes!!!
ReplyDeleteJonathan
hi melissa.... I'm sure your getting a lot of messages lately, but I wanted to send this 1 out to you. When I was 21 I was widowed. The best support I got from people who understood me was from a website: www.ywbb.org. In fact if you do a search for ALEXA you will find some of my posts on there from when I was very first widowed.
ReplyDeleteI think this was the best support for me because even though I lived in a bigger city, most of the people who were going through "widowhood" like me were a lot older. None of them we even remotely my age, so I felt like they didn't understand how I felt.
If there is ever someone I know who has to go through the most terrible situation & heartache of losing a spouse, I feel like it's my calling to send them to this site. It helped me SO much, because there were so many people there that helped me along my journey in grief.
Here is a big hug to you girl... I know exactly what your going through. Just remember each day is a new day & each day is a day longer than you can simply breathe in & Out...
Take care & god Bless
Alexa Appell
There is solace and healing in simplicity and routine. Enjoy these moments with your boys, let the day take you where it will. God is ever-present with you.
ReplyDeleteA. Lorrie
Still praying for you and the boys! God is with you Day by Day! What would we do without God?? Just Rest in Him! He knows your future! Love you and hope to see you soon, maybe a playdate with the boys!?
ReplyDeleteRenee Rood