Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Soon Some Rest, or Realisation....

I honestly think i'm still in a state of shock. Today started as i have dreamed for so long....I actually got to get up with my boys, i got them dressed and ready and i got a shower in before 11am, that never happens! Then we came downstairs, had breakfast together and i had a good cup of hot coffee followed by a trip to the backyard for some much needed sandbox time with both kids! All before 9am! WOW!! Praise God for the little things, because after 10am we started into the business that no one wants to trudge through. We got all of the funeral arrangements handled, ran around to numerous places who all of a sudden now, need my signature, and came back to have some down time and get the service part of things going...whoa man, there was more than i had invisioned, but one minute at a time, and now i sit and look back at another tough day and feel like we got a whole lot accomplished. I hope sleep comes for us, it seems we all didn't have the greatest sleep last nite, the kids got a great rest in, but the adults just made more coffee to combat the fatigue....i pray rest comes soon, we all need it.
I feel so torn, like this whole thing really isn't settled in with me yet, it's not real, the business is keeping me from that reality, i'm not sure when it will hit me, but i feel more like i'm walking around in a fog. I'm happy with the details coming together and i know Colin would be thrilled with how things will look for Friday. This is just never in a million years where i wanted to be at 27 years old with our two boys....BUT then in that same breath, God is SO good, and HE is here with me still going before me, and beside me and behind me, and carrying me....How comfortable i am in HIS peace and presence!
I should head to bed, to at least try to get some rest...i pray we can get the things written and thoughts out on paper that we so desire to honor for Colin's memory! Thank you for encouragements and prayers, they continue to carry us....i wish i could hug each one who has ministered to us, so please feel my arms squeezing each of you tight!
Good Night,
Luv, Melissa


  1. Im sorry if you are getting tired of hearing this but you are truly amazing and an inspiration to us all.....God bless you and your little boys....

  2. When you have a few minutes someday, check out the song "The Lorica" by Steve Bell. I have prayed for you numerous times today. Can't imagine being in your spot, but praying that an unbelieveble Peace that passes all understanding is carrying you through it all. Praying for your little boys as well.

  3. Tonight I shall pray for rest, especially for you. May you meet Colin in your dreams and see his peaceful smile spread across his face. How amazing it must be to be in the presence of our Lord!
    I know what you mean about the fog... soon it will lift and become more of a haze, and then it will rain. But when it does, God will be there through that storm too. God allows us to feel, and make sure that you do. You are allowed to hurt, and in time to heal - and it will take time.
    God has already used you in such an amazing capacity and I can't imagine what else He has in store for you, but I know it will be great.
    One step at a time, one minute at a time, one hug at a time, many tears...
    May your continue this journey with as much faithfulness as you had on the path already trod.
    You are truely an amazing woman of God! Such an inspiration.
    God Bless you, all 3.
    Sweet dreams :)

  4. Praying for peace, for comfort, and for sleep.

    We read your blog faithfully and are so encouraged by your words and your Godly wisdom, especially through these rough waters. Colin, as well as yourself, were true examples of faithful servants - you are modern Job's! Tested time and again, but never faltering - remaining anchored in your faith, solid in your foundation, a true testiment to everyone around you.

    We do not know you personally, we are friends of friends, but we continue to uphold you in our daily prayers.

    We will be celebrating Colin's life with you all on Friday in "spirit", as well as the legacy he has left behind. May God continue to use you as you carry on down this road.

    The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. Numbers 6:24-26

  5. Make sure you get sleep, don't let what happened to me happen to you.

  6. God's still with you, and so are all of us, Missy. We'll continue to pray.

  7. I know almost exactly how you're feeling... it's surreal. But you have God and God is SOOOO good as you know and he will carry you through this and refine you and keep your head above those waters of grief and one day you'll get to the moment where he just has to hold your hand...
    You are beautiful... thanks for your testimony, it is changing lives already in a big way.

  8. "Love is a bridge that spans the spaces that divide; though parted, in dreams we walk together side by side"

    I knew Colin in highschool, and remember how much of a sweet spirit he has. Your family is in my prayers today, and have been for a while (his parents attend the same church as I do). The pain of grief that you are going through is sure to test you, but I can only say that through your hardest moments, the true grace of God shall appear to light your way.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    "Psalm 73:26 - My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

  9. Hi Melissa,
    I haven't added any notes for a long time because I have just been at such a loss for words. I can only imagine the state of shock that you must be in and I pray that when the shock wears off that God will just continue to carry you through it like he has this whole time.
    You are so amazing and I admire you and your faith so very much. I know that God has used your lives so much already and you guys have been such an amazing and beautiful testimony to so many people. I know that you have touched so many lives in so many ways that you will never know until you arrive in heaven with your beloved.
    I am so sorry for your loss and pain and my heart aches so much for you and what you have to bear now... how wonderful to know that you do not have to bear any of it alone. What a great God we have that will carry you through your hardest moments.
    We will be at Colin's celebration of life on friday. May God continue to bring you peace and strength and wisdom as you carry on, and raise those wonderful little boys of yours.

  10. Melissa,

    I was one of Colin's nurses on Unit 57, I am so unbelievably saddened to hear of his passing. I feel blessed to have had the chance to be in both of your lives. You both were always so thankful towards the nurses, it was such a pleasure to be Colin's nurse. My thoughts are with you Melissa.


  11. The Day God Called You Home:

    "God looked around his garden and found and empty place. He then looked down upon the earth and saw your tired face. he put his arms around you and lifted you to rest. God's garden must be beautiful he always takes the best. He saw the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb, so he closed your weary eyelids and whispered "Peace be Thine". It broke our hearts to lose you but you didn't go alone, for part of us went with you, the day God called you home."

  12. Chris Rice - Untitled hymn - known as "Come to Jesus"

    Weak and wounded sinner
    Lost and left to die
    O, raise your head, for love is passing by
    Come to Jesus
    Come to Jesus
    Come to Jesus and live!

    Now your burden's lifted
    And carried far away
    And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
    Sing to Jesus
    Sing to Jesus
    Sing to Jesus and live!

    And like a newborn baby
    Don't be afraid to crawl
    And remember when you walk
    Sometimes we fall...so
    Fall on Jesus
    Fall on Jesus
    Fall on Jesus and live!

    Sometimes the way is lonely
    And steep and filled with pain
    So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
    Cry to Jesus
    Cry to Jesus
    Cry to Jesus and live!

    O, and when the love spills over
    And music fills the night
    And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
    Dance for Jesus
    Dance for Jesus
    Dance for Jesus and live!

    And with your final heartbeat
    Kiss the world goodbye
    Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
    Fly to Jesus
    Fly to Jesus
    Fly to Jesus and live!

  13. Melissa,
    You do not know me, but I have heard your story through my brother-in-law, who is friends with Andy and Nat. I just wanted to pass along my condolenses, and my sympathies, as I know the road that you're begining your journey on. My 14 month old son passed away over 2 years ago. The new "normal" life that you're just begining is one that few people have to do (thank goodness), but for those of us who are on this new road, comfort can be found knowing that there are others walking with you. It's amazing how complete strangers who "get it" can help you get through the next second, minute, hour and day. Take care of yourself first and know that Colin is always with you and the boys.

    Kim Heit

  14. Missy, I continue to pray for you and know that God's grace is thick around your family, that's the fog. The Favor of God. It is always with us, tangible or not, Christ is with and within you.
    I was reminiscing with Pearsall about our dear brother Colin, and we always made people feel welcome & important & always included & optimistic. Chad said, he remembered Colin (who he had never met prior) driving him to try-outs the first day he arrived to C-Port, and I asked him, He probably made you feel like you were best friends, didn't he? Chad said, "Yes he did"
    We are all better people for experiencing Colin and Christ in Colin.
    You are Blessed. You are more than a conqueror. You are an encouragment. You are a Blessing to us all!

  15. Melissa:
    I do not know you personally Melissa but through a friend. I have been following up on your blogs and you have truly made me rethink everyday when i wake up. To take every second as a gift and to let the people around me know how much i love them! You are a huge role model in my life now someone who i dont even know. You are stronger than anyone i know and the amazing love and peace with life that you talk about it very inspiring. I know you have heard everything anyone can possibly of had to say to you by now, but i simply want to tell you that each day i think of you and i would just like to send out my positive energy to you and i am sending you bright positive light full of energy, love and happiness.

  16. Hi Missy,

    I am sure that there are many people reading this blog that are wondering if there is any way that they can help. Do you mind adding a blog post that would help us help you. What are your tangible needs at this time? Finances, meals, housework, laundry, child rearing, lawn care, vehicle cleaning, or ANYTHING else you can think of.

    I assume that those closest to you are doing everything they can to meet needs. Many of the people reading this blog hardly know you (like me), or maybe don't know you at all. But, trust me when I say that we would all LOVE to help in any way we can.

    Please keep us posted as to what your daily needs are. Even if it's as simple as wanting a visit from the iced capp fairy.


  17. Melissa:
    I only know your family from a distance..my husband is also a MHPS brother. I want to add my thoughts to comfort you if i may. We have added Colin to our supper prayers almost nightly for the last year. He and your family have been close to our hearts as we have also been through the struggle of the big 'C' almost at the exact same age you are. I think I understand how you must have felt this past year. I know Mike has empathized with Colin's battle.

    It sounds as though you have felt the support that has surrounded you even if it hasn't been in direct contact. I hope it has helped you all bear some of your journey.

    Yesterday and today I have shed many tears for the pain you all must be going through and I hope it removes some of the tears that must be flooding your life. I am moved by your strength and your faith. Even in our worst times it is amazing how we can still be disciples. Now you will have a special angel to help guide your way.

    Mike and I wish we could bear some of your pain, it feels so familiar and I remember how much we wished going through treatment and the scare of cancer wasn't our reality..but it was. You go through it the best you can and hold on to each other tight. It sounds like that is what you did. Each day is a gift now and I am actually thankful for the perspective of gratitude it has given us and our outlook to our marriage and our life. We try to enjoy and cherish the fun moments in every day.

    We wish the same for you and the boys and know the MHPS is full of many that are holding you up in spirit and prayers.

    May peace live with you and your boys...
    Leah & Mike Fischer

  18. Hello Melissa...
    I know you will soon get the rest you need...time and God will help with that. Your little boys will keep you busy and Colin's spirit will be in your heart and soul as you go through the next few days. I admire your courage in the face of this tragedy.
    Take care,
    Hugs, Nancy

  19. Hi Missy.
    I am following your blog, thank you for sharing all of your emotions, I am praying for you everyday. My sister, brother, and I lost our dad to cancer when we were 4,7, and 9 respectively. My mom also follows your blog and she says repeatedly, "I remember those exact feelings that Missy speaks of...", that was 24 years ago for her. God is with you in all times; I pray for rest to encompass you and strength to follow you. Blessings to you and your boys Melissa!
    Psalm 121
    1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
    where does my help come from?
    2 My help comes from the LORD,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
    3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;

    ~Cindy Day

  20. Melissa....God is using this blog in a powerful way, it is going to and has already changed lives. This morning My 96 radio station were talking about you blog this morning and even put a link to it on thier website.Your testimony is so very powerful and such an inspiration to have more faith, to be thankful for health, to hug our loved ones a little tighter each night, to trust Him no matter what, to praise Him no matter what, to fulfill our vows in sickness and health, to be a strong woman of faith, to be able to lean on others and ask for help no matter how hard it is, to be a better mother, wife, sister, and daughter, to not take the little things for granted....I could go on and on....thank you for allowing God to use you and Colin to teach and remind us of these things....love you...
    Melissa Waechter

  21. Melissa,
    I am connected to you only byway of mutual friends and your family. I heard the news of Colin's passing and said a prayer for you wishing you peace and comfort in the days ahead. You will be so busy with your boys and people coming and going......everything will seem surreal. But with your steadfast faith and leaning on your family and friends you will come through this. Continue to pray for strength and all your supporters will do the same. Remember to LEAN ON OTHERS in your hour of need. Continue on with your immense trust in God. My thoughts are with you and all that can attend Friday's service. Take care. GR

  22. My dad is a pastor and so I've been around a lot of grieving families as I grew up. So although I have never been in a situation anything like yours, I've observed some things. Sometimes it feels like if you close your eyes for sleep that you will wake up further away from the day that Colin was with you. Like, even though days are tough, that if you can hold on to them you hold on to Colin. A time will come when instead of these days filled with "tasks" you will be able to keep Colin alive by talking with your boys. Making "daddy" a part of daily conversation, not because he was sick, but because he was AWESOME! (these days may have already started and I might be off the mark but I felt compelled to write it) I will pray for rest for you, that you wake up refreshed, ready to face another day... ready to remember Colin :)
    praying faithfully
    Michelle Isaak

  23. Praying for you and the boys as you journey through this next step in your lives together. Thankful for God's grace and goodness, and that in the midst of all this you have seen Him working and felt His peace and comfort.
    I went to BBC while Colin was there, and while we were not close I definitely remember him and appreciate the role he played in the lives of so many of his brothers there.
    Thank you for sharing all of this with the rest of us, and inspiring us to the kind of faith that we were all called to, but rarely see practiced.

    Christie Armstrong

  24. Sweet Missy,

    With mixed feelings I send my love to you and your family. Joy because Colin's pain is no more, sadness for the deep loss and hole left in each heart of all who loved him. All you need to do Missy is stay connected to the Father, He will carry you. Jeremiah 31:25 says "For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh (literally means fill) everyone who languishes (is faint)."

    Precious Jesus, I ask you to refresh Missy, fill her weary spirit with Yours that she will have all the strength she needs for the days ahead. Completely satisfy her that she can experience Your rest even now. Amen.

    Love & Hugs,