Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Numbness...Busy...Protection?

whoa...i have been spending most of the week trying to get the "life" details organized....i had no idea that the most simplist of accounts, like the cellphone...would give me the most grief of the whole process! YIKES!!! I've had to ask God for some EXTRA grace when speaking with these lovely people on the phone...i think just a few more stops tomorrow morning, and things should all be taken care of.....I have to say the biggest THANK YOU to my Dad for helping carry the brunt of the mountain of details...he's made me have the easy job, it's been the biggest blessing!
To be honest, i'm doing ok, mostly because the energy the boys wake up with in the morning is the same level the whole day until they go to bed! I'm finding God's timing is the same "perfect" as it has been throughout this journey so far. Today was the day for a bit of change. I've been feeling like i'm drowning in "stuff" all around me at home....since Colin relapsed in March, it's been 18 weeks of not being able to keep on top of things at home, and so explains why i feel i'm drowning in our stuff....just so much to go through and get a handle on. I bought the biggest rubbermaid bin i could find the other day and today, i started to put Colin's things into that bin. I've been finding it almost harder to come into our room at the end of a tiring day and see all of his things surrounding me, makes me more than a little sad...and i'm not sure what to do, and since i've had such great encouragement about each person doing this greiving thing differently, i'm figuring that whatever i do, is just a.o.k.
I feel God is surrounding me with such a protection....like i'm under this barrier that keeps me from really feeling the gravity of my situation. I find myself being able to smile throughout my day...because of my kiddos...they are just so much fun and they bring so much joy. I've been really enjoying putting Keegan to bed again...he cuddles so much and we are really bonding again. Corban is going through a testing stage...not sure what is age and what is just stress of all that's going on...this too shall pass:) I almost feel numb today...hope that passes too, but maybe it's part of God's protection...who knows...one day at a time....
i've just gotten off of the phone with Colin's mom out in BC and she has mentioned that because of the family and friends that weren't able to come out to our Celebration of Life service in Medicine Hat, there will be a Memorial Tea on
July 24,2010 at 10:00am in the Greendale MB Church Gym. Darlene informed me that all you from BC would know where that is, and if you are able to come celebrate with the Burritt family, they would be honored to have you there.
Anyhoo, again another evening has flown by and i should start heading to bed....I really want to thank all of those people who have blessed us with meals in the last few weeks, fresh and frozen, THANK YOU!!!! For the flowers that so many have sent, they are BEAUTIFUL and there is nothing better than the smell of fresh flowers! THANK YOU!
Sweet Dreams!
Love, Melissa

11 comments:

  1. You are one strong lady Melissa!!! And I know there's a reason for that! Keep leaning on Him for your strength. I'm so happy for you that you get to just be with your boys and love on them like they need it! I think about your family often and am always praying!!!

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  2. You said a very key thing Melissa . Each person that is grieving does do it differently so it is definitely okay for you to find your own path to peace on this journey .
    " I will lie down and sleep in peace , for you alone , O Lord , make me dwell in safety . "
    Sleep well Melissa .
    Sharon

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  3. Melissa
    You are one great lady. Keep leaning on the Lord and He will meet you just as you are. You are right you can grieve however you need to, nothing is wrong, process as you need-each person is so individualistic. I keep praying and just wanted you to know that you are such an inspiration of a Godly women. Keep walking forward one breath at a time. Katie Albers

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  4. Psalm 71:20, 21
    Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. Just read that this morning and thought of you :)

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  5. Dear Missy,

    Hey sweetie! Just wanted to let you know, this stage with Corban shall soon pass. I agree with you, it is definitely because of Colin passing away, but also the age. I've been going through the same with Linden, he's a good boy, but they are expressing themselves, and it isn't always positive. Keep up the good work on loving him, but being firm when you need to be. I feel so bad for Corban (and Keegan), missing their Daddy, and it is good that your dad and brother live close by! Just wanted to let you know I understand, to a degree, and we are here for you, even though we are so far away. You are an awesome woman/mom!!! Love you!
    Your sister, Taegen

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  6. Dear Missy,

    Busyness, numbness, it's all part of grieving. And Corban's actions, too. Like Taegen, I want to assure you that this stage will pass, and other stages will come. He, like you, is missing Colin, and with all the upheaval your family has had in this past year, it's no wonder that there is bewilderment.

    You don't have to be strong, Missy. Let Jesus be your strength. He can carry you through this.

    I read this verse from Isaiah while I was in Medicine Hat last week, and thought of you and your boys.
    "All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace."
    (Isaiah 54:13)

    love,
    Auntie Lorrie

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  7. Good Morning, Missy! Just had to share this, another old hymn, with you. As I was reading your blog and praying for you, the words to the song "Wonderful Words of Life" starting playing in my head! I knew it was for you! Review them when you can, the words are so meaningful and reassuring! Praying for each day to be a teeny bit better than the day before!
    Love, Aunt Joanne

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  8. Melissa, You're are doing a fine job! The boys love you, and will always find a way to test you -- this goes on as long as you live, believe me! Just know they love you; you love Jesus; and just keep communications open! Jesus will walk you thru this!
    Love, Coni

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  9. missy,
    your grace and strength continue to amaze me...on numberous occassions these last few months, i've tried to put myself in your place, to attempt to fathom what it would feel like to be in your position...i know it's impossible to ever grasp the scope of emotions you feel but when i try all i feel is anger, resentment and pity....yet all you share with those around you is grace, love and hope...i am so humbeled by you missy...i'm so amazed by your great love and commitment to colin and your boys and your peace and strength that clearly comes from the father...it is truly supernatural...we continue to pray for you, cry with/for you and praise God for what he's doing in your lives... i would never want to experience this cross you are bearing but i do envy your contrite and faithful heart....you have always had a beautiful spirit but it's even more beautiful now...colin would be so proud of you melissa...
    all my love,karm

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  10. Psalm 130:7 ... hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is great power to redeem.

    ... and you're right, you have to be you in your grief... it's part of figuring out how you have changed through this journey and who you want to be because of this journey.

    Much love and many prayers for you and your boys,
    Lisa Furlong

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  11. Again, a beautiful t post. So compelling to read and to sit here and know that this must still be SO very fresh and very difficult. Thinking of you and your boys. I think you are so brave and so strong. God's protection IS covering you-from the front and in behind. Bless you a thousand times over! Your love and commitment for God in this moment is so so astounding!
    Katie Leonard-Smith

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