Monday, September 14, 2009

Wishing it all away

Hi all!
it's Melissa here, and what a horrible day we've had....whoa, it think this one tops the charts so far.....Colin's been fighting yet another day with his spinal headache with no prevail and to make matters just that much worse, everytime he tries to get up, he throws up, so he's had a little fluids by mouth today but mostly by IV just to make sure his body keeps on filtering the chemo. Through trial and error, we've found what works, now at almost 7pm......morphine mixed with gravol and some anti-nauseants. All he can do is sleep, but i think the only thing that can make him find relief is sleep, so i'm thankful he can do that!
We had an appointment today with the Bone Marrow Transplant Doc's and they are hopeful the Stem-Cell Transplant will really up his chances to ultimately be cured from this disease, so we're praying for that miracle! Thank God for modern medicine and breakthroughs like this. They harvest Colin's stem cells, freeze them and after he's all done treatment, reinject his cells back in, and he's good as new! (over some time, of course!) Please pray that they can get the testing done that they need too, to be able to harvest his cells after this round of chemo, to have to wait another round will push us back, and we really don't want to be here any longer than we have to be. i'm praying they have all they need, to be able to get it done sooner rather than later!

i've had a lot of time to think today, i don't know if that's a good thing, but i think the reality of our situation is still sinking just plain sucks......i wish we didn't have to do this and that Colin didn't have to endure this pain. i wish i could take it away, but i can't, and i can't change what has happened. It's the prayers of you guys that carry us and get us to the next day. There's a comfort in knowing that we're not alone, even though we may feel like it at times, we both know there are so many thinking and praying for us~i'm afraid to think of how we would cope, otherwise!

Today i just wish, even for an hour or a few minutes, that it could all go away....

I sure hope tomorrow is better!



  1. Melissa, hang in there :) Its hard, I can't imagine just how hard it is. Its one of the hardest things to watch the one you love most in pain, and not be able to do anything but comfort. You are an incredibly STRONG woman (wife and mother). Colin is an amazing man and you each have great things to do before God is finished. Good with the bad ... and Praise God there is a lot more good to come.
    K (Roeder) Marcocchio

  2. Hey Melissa,

    God is carrying you through this, and we pray you all will sense this, especially today, right now. Keep resting in Him - love you guys,
    Kim :)

  3. Melissa,

    You are stronger than I would be in this situation, and you will get through this. We are all praying for you. Stay strong!! You can do this.

    ~Alanna Cellini

  4. Hi Melissa,

    I stopped by this afternoon and Colin said it had been a rough day, but I think after reading your blog, he was making quite an understatement! I wish I could have hugged you, you were on my heart all day, and now I know why ...

    I'm going to offer a little advice that's different than a couple of the comments you've read tonight: DON'T BE STRONG. You don't have to be, it's not your job, and if you try, it's going to hurt you in the end. Fall into the arms of Jesus and let Him carry you. Cry all the tears you need to onto His shoulder, snot all over his shirt if you need to, He understands your pain, your frustration, your anger. It is His job to be strong, and He has the capacity for it. After all, He's God!

    You are right in saying that this situation sucks, and it sucks for Colin, for you, for the boys, for your family and friends, and the police service too. I'm glad you're saying so, I think that's very healthy. God can bring glory out of it, and there is great cause for hope and even celebration in that, but it is God's glory, and that glory doesn't depend on having any particular response to Colin's pain, or your own (ie strength or weakness, joy or sadness, faith or doubt).

    I think that on the contrary, God's faithfulness and glory is displayed best when we are broken, because it shows the world (and ourselves too) that God works in the midst of the mess, and redeems our pain and our suffering in mysterious ways that we do not always get to see or understand.

    There's my two cents worth for the day. I wrote you guys a song called "Shelter of Your Love" on my drive home, and if you send me an email address, I'll attach it for you as an audio file - I don't know how to do that on the blog.

    Sending love, and praying for you daily,